Virgin Movie Review – Merry Friggin’ Christmas

robin williams in merry friggin christmas
Not a funny movie, in spite of the title. Also, painful in retrospect regarding Robin Williams. RIP to a national treasure.

Merry Friggin’ Christmas was a strange, strange film to watch. It seemed to have the distinctive low production values of a Hallmark Holiday Special, yet somehow boasted the clout and cash flow to hire friggin’ Robin Williams as the co-star. (Not to mention Candice Bergen, in a throw-away role.) What happened? Why was this flick so  unforgivably boring and depressing?

Also, it was rather mean-spirited. Call it an anti-Hallmark Hallmark Movie.

Whatever’s the case, I expected a comedy, based on the commercials and the title. And while some scenes proffered the funny, it was mostly awkward cringe-humor, with a pervading stench of black comedy.  Did I laugh out loud? Maybe once.

I DVRed this on TV this Christmas, billed as a double feature with Bad Santa (also a darker comedy than expected). The difference between the two is while Bad Santa was also a dark comedy, it had good acting, a real dramatic story, and high production values.

Friggin’ Christmas was boring, with limp humor, thinly drawn characters, and a depressing narrative lacking a worthy payoff. They could have had fun with the road trip trope, for example. (Driving a truck full of porta-potties had so many unrealized possibilities – were the writers completely checked-out?)

At the denouement, the kid gets a present he can’t even use. Why? Is that supposed to make the narrative’s lengthy shenanigans ironic? It certainly wasn’t satisfying.

I don’t have a lot to say in this review, except to note that the late Williams seemed stuck under a thick cloud of depression, which might have been an indication of how the actor felt by that time in real life. His character oozed self-loathing. Knowing what we do about his death, it was painful to watch.

Looking up Robin Williams’s bio, I realized (and kind of guessed) he killed himself in 2014, the same year Merry Friggin’ Christmas came out. Ouch. 🙁

(Want to celebrate his Robin Williams’ life? Don’t see this. Rewatch The Birdcage instead, where he clearly had fun with his role.)

Rotten Tomatoes gave Friggin’ Christmas an aggregate rating of 16%, so it’s clearly not just  me turned off by the film. The best moments belonged to the amusing police officer, the cheery guy who pulled them over several times. I bet that character had a nice Christmas. (Remember, there are no small parts, only small actors.)

I can’t say more about this lackluster offering. I wish I could rate it higher, if indeed it’s Robin Williams’ swan song.

Movie Grade: D-

Virgin Movie Review – Bad Santa

Virgin Movie Review – Bad Santa

Billy bob thornton in bad santa
Don’t sit on my lap. I don’t care what you want for Christmas. Dirty little f#@kers.

Billy Bob Thornton can act. He’s underrated, but shows a consistent range throughout his filmography. During the holiday season, he’s even got two popular rewatchable Christmas songs under his belt. He’s completely believable, whether he’s a smary President of the United States,  or the world’s meanest, drunkest Santa.

Spoilers Ahead!

And here’s where Bad Santa begins. I have a surprising amount of holes in my “personal” movie database, and this is another film I never had a chance to see. Now upon watching it, I’d say he really is the worst Santa imaginable, and I thought Dan Akroyd’s dirty/hungry Santa in Trading Places would get this award.

Thornton’s Santa is more like a Grinch or a Scrooge than anything else, except that this character is worse. He’s a dirty, mean drunk who snarls at children and pisses himself. He leers at and and grabs women (wait — he ALSO did this as the US President in Love, Actually). He has one useful skill — cracking safes — and uses the money to drink on the beach until the next Christmas season, where he can start it up again.

I expected this film to be pure low-brow comedy. It wasn’t until the second act that I realized this is a drama — a drama with comedic points — with a real storyline in there, and a lot of pathos. Thornton suffuses his character with strong whiffs of desperation, alienation, and the complete lack of a moral compass.

In a word, this Santa is a vile man. It takes an awful lot to stir him towards anything remotely resembling compassion. By the time he’s gassing himself in the garage, we pity this human husk. I waited for him to become a better person, but when I saw him in the car, I thought his story was done — it would be a reasonable ending; we’d all walk out sad, but it made sense.

Turns out some kind of Christmas Angel was smiling upon him in Arizona. He meets a couple of people who like him for no real reason. He’s rude to them — super rude, in fact — but they come back for more, slowly breaking down his self-imposed barriers of isolation. What happens over the course of the film is nothing short of a Christmas Miracle (TM). He doesn’t end up a nice man by any means, but he’s found a reason to live, and to reach out to others, and discovers the remnants of his own humanity. He ends up exactly where he needs to be, ready for an ersatz family to care for.

In other news, I liked Bad Santa a whole lot, more than I thought I would. Never once did it get syrupy or tug on my heartstrings. But in spite of myself, I rooted for this guy in the end. If you don’t like the Hallmark Christmas subset of a genre, try watching this.

Movie Grade: B

A Merry Movie Christmas – The RunPee Family’s Favorite Holiday Films

Movie Review – Second Act

 

Movie Review - Second ActThis is a fish-out-of-water story, which is normally a reliable premise for laughs. Unfortunately, it feels like a half-hearted attempt to re-make a modern take on such classics like Working Girl and Pretty Woman. Or the more recent, and very wonderful The Devil Wears Prada.

A re-envisioning of an old theme would be fine if the film was very funny…but it wasn’t. I chuckled here and there, but mostly felt suckered into watching a drama. Everything that’s funny was stuck in the trailers, and the rest is a wide detour into a middling mother-and-daughter story.

Anyone who reads my reviews knows I like very few dramas, even the good ones, of which this one is not. This is a fluff piece.

Jennifer Lopez gave it a good old college try, and she’s not a bad actor. I’m just not sure she has the gravitas to shoulder an entire movie. I like her best in ensembles.

I don’t feel it’s necessary to go into the plot, direction, or style, since it’s shot like a television sitcom. Second Act was mediocre at best, and I hope there isn’t a sequel called Third Act in the works.

Average movie. Wait to stream it.

Grade: C

About The Peetimes: I have 3 Peetimes here, nicely spaced out, but the 1st and the 3rd ones are better – they are mostly music montage scenes. I tried to avoid the most funny segments, or scenes with dramatic emotional impact.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Second Act. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Love, Actually and Christmas Is All Around (That “Festering Turd of a Record”)

bill nighy singing about christmas in love actually.
Father Christmas and his elves want you to buy his festering turd of a record.

Bill Nighy rocks. And in Love, Actually, he rocks even harder as a washed up, has-been rock star, an aging bad boy we can’t help but love.

Also, he’s one of those actors I’m certain can do no wrong. Hear that, Nighy? We’re all in agreement here: RunPee loves you. 🙂

Love, Actually is one of my absolute top Christmas movies; it gets a annual rewatch during the holidays, and yes, I still tear up at the denouement in the airport when everyone comes together. So many good feels!

In the teaser, Nighy’s character attempts to sing Christmas Is All Around…getting it wrong twice, then letting loose with a string of awesome British curses. I want to memorize that line and use it freely.

The scene and the song, for your Christmas viewing pleasure:

Here’s the lyrics for you as well, if you want to take this one out for a holiday caroling stroll.

Christmas Is All Around

As sang by Billy Mack (Bill Nighy)
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Christmas is all around me
And so the feeling grows
It’s written in the wind
It’s everywhere I go
So if you really love Christmas
C’mon and let it snow
You know I love Christmas
I always will
My mind’s made up
The way that I feel
There’s no beginning
There’ll be no end
‘Cause on Christmas
You can depend
You gave your presents to me
And I gave mine to you
I need Santa beside me
In everything I do
You know I love Christmas
I always will
My mind’s made up
The way that I feel
There’s no beginning
There’ll be no end
‘Cause on Christmas
You can depend
‘Cause on Christmas
You can depend
It’s written on the wind
It’s everywhere I go
So if you really love me
C’mon and let it show
C’mon and let it show
So if you really love
C’mon and let it
If you really love me
C’mon and let it
Now if you really love me
C’mon and let it show…
….
Songwriters: Reg Presley, 2003
Christmas Is All Around lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
….
Excellent! Let’s put it all together so you can play karaoke:
Finally, have one last naughty/nice message from your Uncle Bill (25 second video). Merry Christmas, you awesome old sot!

Avoid Getting Lice At The Movies (a personal story and a PSA)

Enjoy your little head friends
Lice aren’t nice.

This should be a little embarrassing: I’m a grownup after all. But I caught lice at the movies. I don’t feel weird about it – in fact I’m actually glad to know why this rash on my neck wouldn’t go away. This is treatable with a $12 lice-killer from Amazon. There are far more difficult things to handle in life.

But nobody WANTS lice. They are  gross little bloodsucking creatures that live on your head and lay eggs in your hair. I’ve been a walking buffet for them for some time now and it’s going to stop. No more free rides, you little nits! You hear me? #GETOFFMYLAWN

Consider this a Public Service Announcement. I’ve been asking people what they think of the itchy rash on my neck, and they told me they heard about this “lousey” (ha ha) situation at the cinema. I don’t have any kids around to catch it from, but I do go to the movies at least once a week for Peetimes. The news shows picked up on this minor national calamity, saying there’s a lice epidemic from movie theaters.

one big louse, up close
Now I have to use eye bleach so I won’t see this again.

So, I got a lice comb from Rite Aid, and guess what? My head is teeming with vermin. You can’t wash them out, because the eggs stick to hair, hatch, and make your head in to a new casa de ranchero. Fun times.

I’m waiting for the mail to arrive with my de-lousing treatment, and getting ready to wash and dry everything I’ve worn or slept in all month (using the hottest temperature setting!).

And something you should know: lice can’t live away from a host’s body for more than three days. So you don’t have to chuck the things you can’t wash. Just put them in a bag outside for a few days. This link from the Mayo Clinic will tell you everything you need to know about lice, lice, and more lice.

I’ll update you on how evicting my tiny tenants goes.

In the meantime, I’m wrapping my head in a scarf and bringing a fresh towel to the movie theater, for two reasons: 1. I don’t want to pass my personal pests onto anyone else, and 2. I need to get into the habit of taking precautions at the moves to avoid donating future blood to bodily parasites.

Got Lice?

My easy list of steps will walk you through the de-lousing procedure. If you’re lice-free, be careful at the cinema, and keep checking every few weeks.

Have you ever picked up lice at the movies? Are you brave enough to tell your story? Tell us in the comments section below!

Got Lice from Movies & Theater Seats? Steps To Get Rid of Your Lice

Best Non-Christmas Christmas Movies

Gremlins is a genuine Christmas movie.
Never let your Mogwai wear a Christmas hat. No good can come of this.

What is a non-Christmas Christmas movie, you ask? I’m happy to explain. It’s a story that takes place over the holiday season, but isn’t a Christmas film. The plot isn’t about Santa, reindeer, snowmen, elves, Scroogey Grinches, or magical stockings. Christmas might help the plot along, but these movies stake their tent in the camp of another genre. Savvy? We begin.

Note: most of these movies are DECADES old. So there might be a few spoilers. We’re going to assume you’ve seen most of these. Consider this a Christmas warning, just in case.

Die Hard: This  is the main one, the real biggie of non-Christmas Christmas films. Ask around about people’s favorite Christmas movies and someone will happily shout DIE HARD!

I’m one of those people. This is  in the best feel-good holiday tradition that just happens to have a high body count. Bruce Willis was on top of his game, as the only man to stop the Grinch — I mean Gruber — from stealing Christmas. It’s such a successful outing that even Die Hard 2 is set over Christmas (this time it’s “Die Hard in an airport”).

Here are two good scenes in the holiday spirit:

Remember kids, it’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off the Nakatomi building.

Lethal Weapon: This movie is just as great as Die Hard, and just as Christmasy. It slips into the number two spot only because Die Hard is a bit more iconic. Bruce Willis is more fun than Mel Gibson, and Alan Rickman (RIP) can do anything. ANYTHING. He’s Snape, ya’ll. Okay, now I’m sad.

Lethal Weapon is the start of a run of  Shane Black films that take place over the Christmas holiday season. It’s not a coincidence. He’s even quoted on it, saying, “Christmas represents a little stutter in the march of days, a hush in which we have a chance to assess and retrospect our lives. I tend to think also that it just informs as a backdrop.”

Here’s the heartwarming holiday end scene:

Iron Man 3: I have trouble remembering which plot is which between Iron Man 2 and 3. The second is the one with Mickey Rourke and the magical whips and the fake Mandarin. The third…um: it has a little boy he befriends (way before he mentors Peter Parker. Sniff), and the many, many Iron Man Mark suits flying around a high-rise construction zone. (I should turn in my geek card, or at least see this again.) Also Tony Stark suffers from PTSD. How much more Christmasy can this be?

I’m going to let this video tell us why Iron Man 3 is a Christmas movie:

Oh, and it’s a Shane Black film.

The Long Kiss Goodnight: The actual plot: a woman who has rebuilt her life after getting amnesia begins to recover her memories, when trouble from her past finds her again. It takes place over Christmas. There’s a Christmas party, Christmas parade, etc. And yes, this too is a Shane Black film.

Kiss Kiss Bang  Bang: Oh, hello there Shane Black. Nice of you to drop in again. Obsessed much? 🙂

Read why Kiss, Kiss is a Christmas Movie.

Gremlins: Man, is this ever a strange film. I don’t even know how to describe it, except to firmly and authoritatively tell you to NOT feed  your Mogwai after midnight, and never give him water. This movie also taught me what happens when you put an animal in the microwave. It’s set in someone’s nice suburban home, decked out for the holidays. This is kind of a feel-good, feel-weird film.

These Gremlins know how to party on Christmas Eve:

Trading Places: I just saw this. Like, last night. I can’t believe I missed it the first time — it’s corny but excellent, and I laughed a whole lot. I mean, really? The plot of rich people betting on who’s a criminal and who’s a business man?You have to sit back and let the laughs roll in. And speaking of which, this all happens over a few weeks over the Christmas season. The biggest laughs come from Dan Aykroyd, posing as the filthiest, creepiest Santa imaginable, stealing food at a Christmas gala. He hides a whole salmon under his dingy gray beard. It doesn’t get better than this.

I love this whole segment:

Mean Girls: This one requires a bit of fudging, since it takes place over the course of a whole school year. But the Christmas segment is fun and memorable: the Plastics don sexy Santa dresses and sing Jingle Bell Rock. It’s so fetch. You know, I’m going to just give you a link so you can watch it:

There you have it. I know there’s a lot more, like Edward Scissorhands and possibly Batman Returns. Let me know your favorite and what I missed in the comments below. Do you think these qualify as Christmas movies?

I’ll be cuddling onto the couch watching Die Hard and Lethal Weapon for my Christmas Eve double feature. It’s all about tradition. 😉

Want to know the favorite Christmas Movies of the members of the RunPee Family? Read about it here, and Happy Holidays from ours to yours. <3

A Merry Movie Christmas – The RunPee Family’s Favorite Holiday Films

The Weirdest Moments in Classic Christmas Specials

The Deadpool Before Christmas

 

 

Virgin Movie Review – Footloose (1984)

Kevin Bacon in Footloose
Yes, the songs are great. But is that enough?

Somehow, I’ve never seen the original Footloose before. I did catch the remake a few months back and found it mildly awful. I figured the iconic original would impress me more.

It did.

But only by a small margin.

I cannot figure out why this movie has iconic status, much less be considered a Teen Anthem. It boasts an extremely thin plot and cardboard characters.

The only emotional stakes belonged with the Ariel and her father…but I frankly thought Ariel was insane. I’m pretty sure she tried to kill herself twice for our viewing pleasure. Were we supposed to identify with her? I’ve done crazy stuff in my time, but nothing like standing between two cars barreling down the highway in the face of an oncoming Mac truck. When that girl took a lead pipe to her boyfriend’s ride I found it needlessly destructive. Yes, he should not have hit her, but she hit him first. I really don’t know where to go with this, but apparently casual violence is…hmm. I don’t know how to even finish that sentence.

Remember, the big climax in Footloose is Kevin Bacon and his friend brawling outside the prom. Yay?

The good: John Lithgow  was amazing, and he elevates an otherwise dull film. The directors could have taken the easy way out and made him a one note bad dad. His character certainly pounds that pulpit, and he has trouble with one-on-one relationships. But he’s also beloved in the community and takes his heartfelt service to the town seriously. Even the small children adore him (I loved when he teased the little ones in the church kitchen about their milk and cookies — see? Small moments matter). He also stops wacko community members from burning  library books. As the town’s preacher, he gives of himself freely,  and from a place of true belief, instead of chasing self-aggrandization. I’d hate sitting through his fire-and-brimstone sermons in person, but the actor makes his supporting role sympathetic and wonderfully layered.

Lithgow alone gives me a reason give this film a solid C instead of a C-. It’s supremely average. I guess this is damning it with faint praise.

And…Kevin Bacon? Again, I don’t know how to say this, because the man has a lot of good roles in his filmography. But here he’s inscrutable. He reacts, but doesn’t act. There’s only one scene where his character has agency, and that’s his big speech to the town council. They could have gone from there and straight to the prom, and we could call in a night. End scene.

To wrap this up before I whinge some more, I’ve recently rewatched a ton of classic movies from the 70s and 80s, and most of them stand up beautifully with time: films like Jaws, Rocky, Close Encounters, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off…even other early ‘dance’ movies made me care about the characters. Take Dirty Dancing, Grease, Staying Alive, or White Nights — you CARE. Hell, Flashdance was a good ride.

By the end of Footloose, I figured out the problem: there are no genuine emotional beats, no real stakes that matter. The dance should have been a backdrop to the meat of the story. This movie was like a bread sandwich —  two slices of plain white Wonderbread with nothing inside.

I made other notes while watching Footloose, but it’s not worth analyzing this further. Someone, if you love this movie, please tell me why.  I’m open to correction, because I feel like I must be missing something.

Movie Grade: C

PS: The 80s pop soundtrack is great. I had fond feelings for every song. I think I’ll write about that next time and link to it from here. 

Movie Rewatch Review – Elf

Will Ferrel from Elf, and the four food groups.
Will Ferrell eating a nutritious meal.

Elf is one of those rare truly rewatchably joyous, feel-good family films that everyone, everyone likes. I’ve never met a child or even cranky grownup that doesn’t get animated and shout, “Santa! I KNOW him!”, or spout off a very mildly sly or just plain silly line from this highly quotable film, like, “Hi, I’m Buddy! What’s your favorite color?” or “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite!” How to explain this outpouring of passionate holiday optimism? And by the way, I want to start answering the telephone like that. (Best not to call me at all.)

Even my grownup niece turned around while bar-tending at Hooters, to shout at strangers grinching about Christmas: “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!” The entire bar looked at her like she might have been a little insane, but if you poke around an Elf Quotes search page on Google, you’ll see people tend to be a little like Will Ferrell about this film: a bit too loud, and a whole lot of wholesomely inappropriate.

Even my RunPee Tweet and Facebook posts on Elf got people excited and happy within literally seconds of putting up that “What’s your favorite color?” quote. A poll about favorite funny Christmas movies, up against the storied likes of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Love Actually, and Home Alone has Elf clearly in the lead. How did Farrell manage this?

For one, Ferrell is a highly underrated actor. Because he tossed in his lot with comedic fluff films, it’s a little hard to take him seriously.  But he manages to put a surprising amount of pathos into goofy leading roles, whether it’s as Ron Burgundy with Anchorman, or Daddy’s Home 1 &2.

In Elf, he’s quite remarkable in a weirdly off-putting, often overly enthusiastic way, like a big golden retriever who still thinks he’s a puppy.You want to take this large man and protect him like the child he seems to be. If you were raised by Papa Elf at the North Pole, you’d probably be filled with happy wonderment too. And also believe sugar is the only form of food fit for consumption: a prestigious list including “Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.” Again with my niece: she told me there are untold videos of people making maple syrup/MnMs/Pop-Tarts/Hershey’s syrup/spaghetti meals and chowing down (after mashing it up with their hands, of course). I’ll take her word for it.  😉

So is Will Ferrell kind of brilliant? I’m starting to think so. Ferrell does the straight man funny, the narcissistic buffoon funny, and and the man-child even funnier. My guess is the guy himself takes joy from this, and puts his whole heart into it. His sense of comedic timing doesn’t depend on physical gyrations like Jim Carrey, nor torrents of running commentary as the late Robin Williams could bestow.

In a nutshell, we just plain like movies where people manage to blunder their way into greatness. Look at the enduring appeal of Forrest Gump, Big, and Elf. You want to root for these people, in their simpleminded innocence, to find their way in life and be loved.

It’s easy to laugh at these guys, but there’s something more at stake.

That’s why Elf sneaks under the cynicism layer. These films feature a fish-out-water story, a narrative as old as time, but with an undeniable twist of  simplicity and earnestness. These kind-hearted leading lugs strike a chord of paternalism and you want them to be happy when their adventure is done. We feel we’d be lucky to have loyal friends like these, even if their trip over their own big feet.

Movie Grade: A

Note: Results of this Twitter Poll will be automatically published after the voting period ends, but so far Elf is crushing it: Disclaimer: Poll only includes outright Christmasy movies. Die Hard and Lethal Weapon aficionados have to wait their turn 🙂

Okay. Seriously now. I dare you to eat this:

Rewatch Movie Review – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Love, Actually and Christmas Is All Around (That “Festering Turd of a Record”)

Virgin Movie Review — Daddy’s Home

Movie Review – Mortal Engines

 

Movie Review - Mortal EnginesI’m still digesting this pretty darn awesome movie. I’ll just say I’ve never seen a better Steampunk film (not that there’s a lot out there…). This has interesting characters, amazing world-building, and spectacular set-pieces. It’s a brilliant effort by the producers of The Lord of The Rings. I’m a happy girl tonight. Loved it.

….Don’t read any further if you don’t want spoilers…..

More goodness: the bad guy was played by Hugo Weaving, who’s shaping up to fill the hole left by the demise of Alan Rickman. He was just lovely in the part, even if his character’s motivations seemed forced. I’m going to blame the writing on that one.

Weaving did a great job with what he had. Most movies have “villain problems” — it’s hard to make a baddie we can relate to, or at least understand. The character of Thaddeus Valentine should have been more layered. He has an adult child with him, who presumably might have noticed once or twice if her father was evil. I get that London needed more fuel to survive, but I’m not sure using the particular weapon he did would net London any resources: it’s too destructive. By the end he became a generic cackling guy with a world-killing weapon. It’s absolutely a fine film, but this issue keeps it from getting an A+.

I felt like the narrative could have used some more backstory about why the cities and towns had to be mobile (something more than the cool factor). And there was a missed opportunity by never using the zeppelin a character sees and looks at thoughtfully. I kind of feel that maybe a later scene with it was cut from the film — or why bother showing it tethered nearby?

I did like the creative designs used on the different airships, and how they recalled a feeling of sailing on the ocean more than flying in a plane. The various captains even had a piratey flair.

This future world was splendidly envisioned, which is to be expected from WETA Workshop, who, along with producers Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Philippa Boyens,  created The Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit. And of course we know Weaving as Elrond of Rivendell. I’m guessing a lot of crew members were also ported over from that universe to work on Mortal Engines. It really is a visual achievement.

As far as the plot goes, I kept thinking I was missing big pieces of the story, things that might be better explained in a novel. So I had to go check..and guess what? Mortal Engines is indeed a book. In fact, there are four of them.

Personally, I’m all in for a sequel set. I was engaged by this new Steampunk world and seriously wanted a lot more exposition than we got.

(Here’s a example: what in Thor’s name was Shrike? Some kind of cyborg? The memories of a person transplanted into a robot? Was he a technological version of a zombie? Why was he making dolls, why did he take in a little girl; why did he need Hester to become like him? What was the story with his elaborate prison cell? He was an intriguing element in the story, but his arc seemed undercooked.)

I feel like I could fill in some of this backstory on my own, but I’ll probably just read the book. And I’m sure I’ll see this film again when it’s available for streaming.

I’ll leave you with this quote from William Shakespeare‘s Othello, explaining the film’s title: “Othello: And O you mortal engines whose rude throats/Th’immortal Jove’s dread clamors counterfeit…” Mortal Engines refers to the concept that a society based on Municipal Darwinism is not sustainable, and that the cities’ engines are indeed mortal.

Grade: A
Movie Release Date: 12-14-2018

About The Peetimes: A lot happens in this movie, and it’s quite economical in pacing throughout. I’d recommend the 1st Peetime if you can manage it. The 2nd Peetime has an interesting set-piece, but it’s not relevant to the plot. The last Peetime contains action, but in a movie as full of action as this, you’ll be fine if you stick to the 3 minutes I gave you.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Mortal Engines. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Making Models – the Jenny Haniver Airship from Mortal Engines

Movie Review – Once Upon A Deadpool

 

Movie Review - Once Upon A DeadpoolThe Deadpool Before Christmas was hard to grade. I had to wonder if it’s better than the original Deadpool 2, if it added anything impressive to the canon, and if it’s worth spending your cash on what amounts to a re-tread of the same movie you saw last summer.

For real Deadpool fans, this is a must-see limited edition special event. Even for Princess Bride fans, you’ve got to get yourself out to see the painstakingly recreated bedroom for Fred Savage’s character, and to listen to him telling off Deadpool over the course of the film.

Also, Savage really wants to “fight” Matt Damon. As in REALLY REALLY, although it might not be “fight” so much as “f@ck”…if you’ve seen the Sarah Silverman parody song about Matt Damon, followed by the segue about Ben Affleck, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you’re old enough to permit some cussing in your humor, go look for it. Otherwise, ask your parents for some help.

The added Princess Bride footage was swell, from opening scene til the penultimate extra where Fred is finally permitted to go home. I wish there was more. The entire last third of the film had me waiting impatiently for new footage. My thought is that by then, the producers didn’t want to cut into the flow of the actual Deadpool story, but screw that — I came for more of the new wacky goodness.

One thing I found disappointing was how seamless the dirty language was. Instead of hearing some cool, really bizarre dubs, I barely noticed this was PG-13. I figured Deadpool would insert fun weirdo ‘curses’, like “you dirty hamburger monkey” for PG-13 friendly curses (shit and bitch are apparently okay, ya’ll), but, again, I didn’t notice the lack of the really R rated words. The ONLY fun cussing scene is the above-mentioned Matt Damon sequence with Deadpool bleeping out “fight.” Try not to run and pee then!

Also fun were a couple of scenes where certain body parts were pixellated. One in particular was super-maxi handy, since eyeball bleach can be hard to come by.

I also noticed a few neat things I missed on my previous DP2 viewing. One is all the insistence on DP’s part that he’s in a Marvel film. Also, as he talks to Juggernaut: “The sun is getting really low, big guy,” which is a certain someone’s sweet way to talk down The Hulk in another franchise. And, the dial we keep seeing Deadpool use “goes up to 11”, as we’re told in another old classic film: This Is Spinal Tap.

So, yeah. A few gory/graphic moments were cut, and some barely cleaner language was inserted, but this is absolutely the same DP2 you saw before, with 15 minutes of Princess Bride mashup interspersed.

Some people complained this was just a cash-grab by Fox and Marvel, but it’s still a unique way to re-package old material…plus Ryan Reynolds insisted a portion of the proceeds go to a “Fudge Cancer” charity…so you can feel good plopping out your money for this particular grab.

One last point: all the amazing cameos from the original DP2 are still in play. Dan’s first review of DP2 lists them all, so I’m not going to retread that — I just linked to his review. Sound good?

Last, last, last note: DO NOT LEAVE UNTIL IT SEEMS LIKE THE LIGHTS WILL BE COMING BACK UP. You’ll kick yourself if you miss the final cameo. Trust.

Grade: B

About The Peetimes: Don’t use the original Deadpool 2 Peetime information. This PG-13 special has an extra 15 minutes of story footage, and a new extra scene after the credits. This version has different Cue times. In certain places I listed NEW scenes, in case you don’t want to hit the bathroom for those. The 2nd Peetime was recommended in the original Deadpool 2, but I removed that because it has a NEW scene in it. I listed the 1st Peetime as recommended instead, because it was easy to sum up and gives you an extra minute if you need it. Try to use it proactively! 🙂

There are extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Once Upon A Deadpool. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)