It’s no secret I have issues with A24 productions. I have seen them all. I go in with an open mind — and every time but twice I’ve hated them. Spring Breakers and Tusk get a free pass; those entertained me.
When I saw the trailers for The Lighthouse, I was excited. It looked to be right up my alley — great cast, and the setting was set at what I’d call one of my happy places. (I’m a lighthouse lover.) Then in big letters I see it…A24 Productions. I internally groaned and thought to myself that just maybe I’d still like it, because what could go wrong with such a great concept?
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I’m still laughing about how wrong I was.
I gave ‘It Comes at Night’ a scathing review, and had a lot of backlash from users on how badly I trashed it. I tried explaining to them that a review is a singular person’s thought on a movie. My opinion. Their opinion was different and that’s totally okay. So here it goes, enter my opinion, stage left.
I did not like this movie. At all. It has taken my number one spot of the worst movie ever made. It made my head hurt and I can still hear the blasted foghorn.
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I’ve been using RunPee for a few years now and it’s basically a requirement of going to the movies for me. The best part of course are the “pee times” that give you cues, synopses and times for when you can pee without missing the most important parts of the movie. There is also information about the credits- length, extras and if there are any extra scenes at the wayyy end. Super helpful to just know that it is or isn’t worth staying. There is a timer function that will buzz your phone when it’s a good time to pee. I also appreciate that the app is very conscientious about it being an app you use in a theater- dark background, all silent alarms etc. I will always enjoy the experience of the theater even if I could watch things at home- but I’ve even used it at home to check for things like after credit scenes or other information too.
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For starters, I couldn’t understand them. The accents used were so over the top that all I heard was gibberish. Enough said there.
My next complaint: the over-used masturbation scenes. Seriously? How many times did we need to see them doing this? Apparently a lot, because there are too many of those scenes. I’m a jaded person; I think I’ve seen every gross thing to come out of Hollywood, and never cringed the way I did last night. I felt dirty watching it and trust me, I’m not a prude. My blood pressure is starting to rise again.
I could pick this movie apart like a turkey on Thanksgiving, but I’m going to stop here. I conveyed my feelings well enough, I think. It was simply dreadful.
Thanks A24 for finally settling an ongoing internal battle. You will never lure me in again. Shout out to my boss — my wonderful brother — there isn’t enough money to get me to do another A24. I’m done.
Grade: F-
About The Peetimes: I have two Peetimes at 29 and 51 minutes. The middle Peetime is a very short ‘Alert Peetime’ containing graphic animal cruelty to a bird.
There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of The Lighthouse. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)
Rated (R) for sexual content, nudity, violence, disturbing images, and some language
Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Horror
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