Movie Review – The Lighthouse

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Movie Review - The LighthouseIt’s no secret I have issues with A24 productions. I have seen them all. I go in with an open mind — and every time but twice I’ve hated them. Spring Breakers and Tusk get a free pass; those entertained me.

When I saw the trailers for The Lighthouse, I was excited. It looked to be right up my alley — great cast, and the setting was set at what I’d call one of my happy places. (I’m a lighthouse lover.) Then in big letters I see it…A24 Productions. I internally groaned and thought to myself that just maybe I’d still like it, because what could go wrong with such a great concept?

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I’m still laughing about how wrong I was.

I gave ‘It Comes at Night’ a scathing review, and had a lot of backlash from users on how badly I trashed it. I tried explaining to them that a review is a singular person’s thought on a movie. My opinion. Their opinion was different and that’s totally okay. So here it goes, enter my opinion, stage left.

I did not like this movie. At all. It has taken my number one spot of the worst movie ever made. It made my head hurt and I can still hear the blasted foghorn.

For starters, I couldn’t understand them. The accents used were so over the top that all I heard was gibberish. Enough said there.

My next complaint: the over-used masturbation scenes. Seriously? How many times did we need to see them doing this? Apparently a lot, because there are too many of those scenes. I’m a jaded person; I think I’ve seen every gross thing to come out of Hollywood, and never cringed the way I did last night. I felt dirty watching it and trust me, I’m not a prude. My blood pressure is starting to rise again.

I could pick this movie apart like a turkey on Thanksgiving, but I’m going to stop here. I conveyed my feelings well enough, I think. It was simply dreadful.

Thanks A24 for finally settling an ongoing internal battle. You will never lure me in again. Shout out to my boss — my wonderful brother — there isn’t enough money to get me to do another A24. I’m done.

Grade: F-

About The Peetimes: I have two Peetimes at 29 and 51 minutes. The middle Peetime is a very short ‘Alert Peetime’ containing graphic animal cruelty to a bird.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of The Lighthouse. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (R) for sexual content, nudity, violence, disturbing images, and some language
Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Horror

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comment 9 comments
  • jill florio

    Jill Florio Administrator

    Was this movie in black and white? Did it feel like an indie film? I have no concept of what A24 Productions does. Can you ‘splain me?

    • Anonymous

      Hey was in black and white..which looked cool, too bad the rest was horrible.
      It definitely had the indy feel. I’m going to have to explain A24 to you in a phone call…there is no way for me to keep that comment family friendly.

      • jill florio

        Jill Florio Administrator

        Hmmm. A three hour indie drama film…sounds like a nightmare. That is absolutely not my kind of movie. I look forward to hearing what A24 does.

        I really don’t like drama. Life is rough enough. Give me humor or excitement.

        • Tanner

          3 hours?!?! Where are you getting that from? It’s an hour and 50 minutes. Also one of the greatest movies of the decade. I don’t know why they keep sending this basic to A24 movies.

  • RunPee DanaSimone! Author

    Oh my! Sooooo you didn’t like The Lighthouse, uh?!? LOL Sorry you had to experience that Jill. Thanks for the honesty though. I definitely won’t go see it. Sounds like a 99 cents Red Box when I’m bored as hell kind of movie.

    • RunPee DanaSimone!

      Oops! I wrote Jill and I meant Christene. That’s what I get for texting RunPee Jill at the same time I read your review. Doh!!!

    • Christene Johnson Editor

      Lol…you’re a very brave woman Dana. I wouldn’t have the guts to watch this at home. Without a doubt I’d throw something at my television just to make that movie go away.

      • jill florio

        Jill Florio Administrator

        Sounds like three awful hours. It has a great rating on Rotten Tomatoes and MetaCritic, but I think I’d hate this too. Too artsy and depressing?

        • Tanner

          It’s an hour and 50 minutes. Do a google search.

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