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Indie Movie Review – The Nudels Of Nudeland

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I’ll be honest…I wasn’t sure what to expect from The Nudels Of Nudeland. The various bits of publicity blurb that I’ve seen say things like “A truly original story” and “A movie ahead of its time” but that wasn’t what I found. For a start, it wasn’t a “truly original story.”  I’m old enough to remember when the most erotic activity in most people’s homes was flicking through the underwear section of the Littlewoods catalogue.  Younglings…we are a long time before the internet brought pornography of every variety directly to a screen near you.

Aside from the “proper” full fat pornography, which you only got to see when you “knew someone who knew someone who had a contact”, the nearest anyone got to a flash of the old full frontals was in naturist films. They started being made in the 1930’s so The Nudels Of Nudeland can hardly claim to be a “truly original story” or a “movie ahead of its time.”  But, let’s be honest, given the alleged seven story types it’s getting harder and harder to find something that is genuinely original. So there’s no penalty for being unoriginal, just for claiming to be original. 

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You’ll Never Catch A Nudist With His Pants Down

Having said that, one difference was that all the cast were devastatingly ordinary! They were real people; fat, thin, old, young, small, large, and everything in between. To be honest, thinking back, the “real’ naturist films tended to feature a very small and tightly defined sub-set of the population.  The Nudels Of Nudeland definitely carried the “all bodies are beautiful” and “nudity isn’t necessarily sexual” and did so very well.

One of the main areas I struggled with was the structure or, rather, the lack of it. The basic story was that the two main leads (Tim Chizmar and Juliana Acosta) can’t find love or acceptance because they like to wander around naked. They are also bullied by a character called Shame (Michael J Butin) and deported by Police Officer D Mann (Al Burke) to Nudeland. Here they find acceptance, each other, and love. Simple enough? I thought so. So why was there a blatant advert for whacked into the middle of it all?

I’ll Bet Living In A Nudist Colony Takes The Fun Out Of Halloween

On top of that there’s the feeling that it’s trying to be a comedy but none of the jokes are landing. The acting isn’t very good either. There’s no originality; “two people try to overcome society’s baggage”, “you don’t worry about the dog not wearing clothes”, reverse streaking, and reverse strip poker have all been done before. Perhaps they have a point though. Normally we’d include a trailer for the film being reviewed but for some reason there’s an age restriction slapped on it. I don’t know why. I know Americans are famously scared of the female nipple but there are none to be seen. Trust me…it’s my favourite body part and I checked!

There’s even a little bit which is distracting near the start. There’s a scene in a kitchen and there was obviously either an actual problem or the threat of a problem around product placement. So, as the camera moves around the room there are these big blurred patches which have to dodge around the cast. Quite simply, if there’s even a sniff of those sort of problems then you need to sort it before shooting. It only takes a marker pen, some sticky paper, and a few minutes to make things unrecognisable. I’m guessing less time and money than the blurring!

So it’s kudos for the body positivity but, pretty much, meh for everything else.

Movie Grade: D+

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