Spoiler Avoidance Strategies If You Can’t See Endgame Opening Night

Chances are good most Marvel fans won’t get to see the long-awaited Avengers: Endgame film on April 26th’s opening night. There just won’t be any tickets left. If you’ve been following the 22-movie superhero saga, waiting will be hard to handle. Damn hard. Some of us are feverish with hope and apprehension to learn how The Snap is resolved.

Also, there’s the spoiler issue. Nobody wants a repeat drive-by trolling of “Snape Kills Dumbledore!”

So, you need a plan. First, get your tickets online. Use AMC.com or Fandango, if the sites aren’t still crashing from the Endgame traffic feeding frenzy.

Go NOW, if you can.

But it might already be too late. Get this:  eBay has pages of scalped tickets, with Endgame seats running from hundreds to thousands of dollars.

Here’s your best strategy if you can’t get a seat for Endgame on opening night or the next day.

(If you’re a die-hard MCU fan, take these suggestions, silly as they seem, seriously…)

…First of all, live like you’re back in 1995…

• Avoid the Internet entirely, until you see Endgame
• This includes internet apps on your phone (except RunPee, which will NOT spoiler you)
• Avoid ALL the news, from any source, even TV
• Don’t talk to or text your friends
• Remember, people in Asia, Down Under, and Europe are many hours ahead of the USA and will see it first. If you have friends there, you might want to put them on a SM blacklist until after you see Endgame
• Find out movie times in good, old fashioned |newspapers – they still make them
• Buy your tickets at the ticket window  — not online; it’s too late for that — and wear earplugs just in case people are talking about Endgame
• Don’t leave the house at all until you are actually going to the theater

I know that all sounds insane, but Avengers Endgame IS the endgame for legions of faithful MCU fans who’ve sat through 59 hours of these Marvel movies, and usually many, many sittings of each one. Personally, I’ve probably seen Guardians of the Galaxy ten times alone. Color me highly motivated to see how Endgame turns out.

Don’t get spoiled and/or in jail

Last thing I’d want is for people to do something as mundane as stand in a check-out line at the grocery store, and see a magazine with an Endgame cover and a spoiler title. Or you could be standing in that line and the people behind you start talking about Thanos and what Dr. Strange‘s plan was and OMG IT’S TOO LATE. You’re spoiled. And you can’t hit those people, because that would be considered assault and you’ll miss the movie because Endgame won’t be showing at a prison near you.

When you do get to see Endgame, bring the RunPee app

Don”t forget to fully charge your phone battery and double check your essential RunPee app connection, so you’ll know when to slip in and out for toilet/food/drink movie breaks. Endgame is over three hours long. At some point your bladder will start rustling. The RunPee app will have several Peetimes where you can safely run out during Endgame, read what you missed while you’re not in your seat, and also get specific end credit scene times.

Endgame is the big one

Again, seriously, make your Endgame plans now. Not even the upcoming final  Star Wars movie in the Skywalker Saga is going to be an event like this. People are falling out of love with Star Wars, but the Marvel Cinematic Universe is getting more wildly popular every year. I’d love to see their level of quality continue, but honestly wonder how the MCU could ever possibly top Avengers Endgame in terms of excitement, build-up, and anticipation.

Make no mistake: Endgame is THE event of 2019.

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