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Movie Review – Snake Eyes

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The first third of Snake Eyes had the potential to be a mediocre movie. But in the middle third, it went downhill quickly. There was hope that the action-packed final third would make up for it, but no. It was even worse. Any good action shots were in the movie trailer, which is usually a good indicator that the movie is going to be disappointing.

Plot (Spoilers)
A G.I. Joe spin-off centered around the character of Snake Eyes.

I’m sure no one expects the acting in Snake Eyes to be very good, so at least they won’t be disappointed.

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Even still, there were a few cringe-worthy moments involving the secondary characters. I don’t like to single out a specific actor for a bad performance, but the character of Scarlett was so horribly written and directed that even an extremely talented actress would be challenged to just deliver a mediocre performance. And the access who played Scarlett isn’t extremely talented.

Which leads to the MCU-wanna-be effect. The Scarlett character is a red-headed, bad-ass, secret agent type. Really? Could they be less original? To top it off, the movie revolves around a wanna-be Infinity Stone — from space, no less. I know zero about the GI Joe comic stories, but adding that stone was just lame beyond lameness.

Aside: I think we are due for a whole host of really bad movies that try to emulate the MCU. The MCU pulled off Infinity Stones, magic realms, life after death scenes, you name it. They pulled it off because they built a framework of a story around it that made it work. You can’t just grab a trope like magical stones and throw it into a movie and expect it to work.

The action scenes were choppy to the point of boredom. Especially in the sword-orgy fights. And that’s another trope that they pulled out over and over again. I lost count of the number of sword fighting scenes that involved one man vs a dozen. There’s no realistic way to pull that off in an open space. Someone needs to shove a sword through this trope’s heart and kill it once and for all.

Do yourself a favor; just wait to see this movie when it’s streaming, and hopefully, by then you’ll forget about it and can skip it altogether.

Note: before the movie started my wife checked the rating. At that time it was an 8.0. Then after the movie, it had dropped to 6.8. By the time we got home, it was a 6.2. This morning it’s a 6.0. Ouch.

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Possibly an even better feature is the info on if the movie has after credits scenes. There’s nothing worse than sitting there reading about who the key grip was, then finding out that’s all you did. I blame Marvel for the stupid trend.

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The RunPee Peeple’s Poll currently has the expectation for Snake Eyes at 7.4 and the final rating at 5.8. This might be the worst-performing movie vs expectation for the year.

Grade: D-

About The Peetimes: We have 3 Peetimes for you. The first 2 are really good and we recommend either of them. The last Peetime is for emergencies only, but it’s the last break before the action starts.

There are extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Snake Eyes. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated: (PG-13) Sequences of Strong Violence | Brief Strong Language
Genres: Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Thriller
Starring: Samara Weaving, Henry Golding, Úrsula Corberó, Iko Uwais
Director: Robert Schwentke
Writer(s): Evan Spiliotopoulos (screenplay by), Joe Shrapnel (screenplay by), Anna Waterhouse (screenplay by)
Language: English
Country: Canada, USA
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3 responses to “Movie Review – Snake Eyes”

  1. i agree that we’re due for some bad MCU rejects. Kind of like we had a slew of Harry Potter wanna-be flicks and poor Hunger Games type YA dystopians. Good observation.

  2. Michael Fields Avatar
    Michael Fields

    I hate to come back at you, but I did not hear the stone was from space, (Maybe I was eating popcorn at the time) but even if it did, GI Joe came out in 1967 the MCU first time had the stone story in 1974, so if there was a infinity stone, GI Joe had it first and Marvel stole the idea (Just like they stole the name Captain Marvel, and a few others) while this movie is not the biggest best story ever, there are some good parts, and the idea of a guy looking for revenge no matter what is a good story, plus the fights are very good, I would say they will be better then the New Marvel movie, (Mortal Kombat was the best) and while Scarlet is not great as they could have had her be and she was not in the movie that much that parts she was in (Like the bathroom or what room that was in) was pretty good. The one I did not like that much is the Countess, but again I am sure time could not make it that meaty of a story) the movie was over 2 hours long and to have as much action in it that they did was again pretty good. There really was not a slow part in it. This had characters people who read the comics and had the toys I think people would like to see.

  3. Hey Michael. I’m really glad you enjoyed the movie. I checked out the rating on RottenTomatoes. It has a 38% from the critics and 74% from the audience. I’m definitely on the critic side with this one. But clearly the majority of the audience did like it.

    In the RunPee *Peeple’s Poll* the movie has a 6.8 expectation and a 6.9 final rating. How about you? Was it better than you expected?

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