Category: Disappointing
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Movie Rewatch Attempt – Jurassic Park III
Known and reviled by most as the “worst Jurassic movie,” I sit here and wait for a for Jurassic Park III rewatch at the most dinosaur-themed brewpub I’ve ever seen, The Bronto Meadery in San Diego. Bronto Meadery is hosting a viewing all four Jurassic movies before Fallen Kingdom weekend hits the US, drinking handcrafted…
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Movie Review – Gotti
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This movie was a muddled mess. This biographic piece couldn’t quite pick up steam or really even figure out what it wanted to be. I was waiting for the big moment but there was none. It was just two hours of a lot of names thrown at you, never fully explaining anything. On a positive…
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Movie Review – Hotel Artemis
This is one stylish mess. It’s got the noir notes, the off-kilter sensibilities, and a big muddled stew of a plot. Let me mull on this review a bit. Movie Grade: C+ Alrighty. After due thought, I still think Hotel Artemis is trying for something it just didn’t reach. But I’ve got a sense it might…
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Movie Review – Action Point
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I’m a huge Johnny Knoxville fan; I’ve seen every one of his movies at least five times. It kills me to say this, but I probably won’t watch this one again. It lacked in a way that I can’t quite define. I wasn’t all hyped up after this one, and felt a little blah during…
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Movie Review – Adrift
Adrift is both more and less than I expected. I expected long, languid scenes of a sailboat floating aimlessly at sea; I expected storms; I expected frequent stretches where Tami (Shailene Woodley) learns to sail. Those bits were in there. [pullquote]What I didn’t expect: the absence of any kind of compelling narrative in what should…
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Movie Review – Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom has all the tense action and one liners you would expect based off the history of the franchise. But I hope you don’t expect anything more than a template of a story to support it. The first hour of this movie plays like it was written with some basic storytelling application.…
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Movie Review – Show Dogs
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This is a silly stupid comedy that I think was intended for a 5-7 year old audience. It has a 12% Audience rating from RottenTomatoes.com. I think that says it all. Grade: D-
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Movie Review – Book Club
I thought this would be an inspiring movie about taking life by the balls (or in this case, the ovaries) in your golden years. The high-caliber cast of aging actresses is stellar; they did a fine job. I am about 15-20 years younger than them, but feel like they have options I will never have.…
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Movie Review – Super Troopers 2
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This movie gets an “F” and it’s not short for “funny.” I don’t find this type of movie remotely funny, but if this is the sort of thing you like I’d highly recommend waiting for the DVD, and watching it at home where you can relax and enjoy it in an altered state of consciousness.…
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Movie review: Tomb Raider
This movie follows the textbook outline for Writing Action Movies for DUMMIES perfectly. I’m not trying to imply that Tomb Raider was horrible — it’s just incredibly predictable. That’s why the “C” grade I gave it is smack in the middle of average. It’s important to remember: this is a story that began as a video game.…
