Movie Review – Us – Tons of Symbolism, Creepy, and a Great Time at the Movies

Movie Review - UsI’m by no means a lover of horror movies anymore, but when Jordan Peele writes one, you can’t help but wonder what it will be like. His freshman movie, Get Out, was creepy enough to motivate me to see more from him. Us didn’t let me down. It’s a little hard to write specifics about the movie without giving away spoilers, because there’s so much to say, due to Director Peele’s love for symbolism and thought-provoking cliffhangers.

Let me start with a little framework. Director Peele stated in interviews that the idea of this movie came from various iconic horror-based inspirations, but the 1960 Twilight Zone episode entitled Mirror Image, where Vera Miles encountered her own doppelganger in a bus terminal, sent his imagination over the top.

The movie begins with a few sentences on the screen, pointing out that there are miles and miles of tunnels and secret passageways underneath cities in America, of which some have no purpose at all. At first, when I read that I wondered if the theater had put the wrong movie on. The next scene didn’t do much for immediately confirming that I was watching the right film given that the time setting was 1986, and a very old television was playing a “Hands Across America” infomercial inviting people to take part in the hand-holding (thus, a tethering which you’ll see resurface as symbolism) around the USA, to raise money to fight hunger and homelessness.

The movie is extremely scary and creepy. Jordan does a good job setting up each scene, especially when the black doppelganger family arrived in the driveway. Director Peele took his time before revealing the family, I’m sure, to increase the suspense and wow factor.

In the meantime, the scenes played out with a little humor from the father Gabe, going from suburban sweet-talking with reason, as he’s a little naive to what’s going on, to straight up hood trash-talking. On the other hand, the mom Ade has a very good idea that something terrible is about to happen. That’ll make more sense as the plot thickens, and at the end of the movie (wink).

There’s a lot of killing, with blood flying and gushing everywhere. If you have a weak stomach for blood, cover your eyes, but don’t keep them shut, as the movie is not filled with massive narrative scripting as much as visuals and sound effects. Jordan Peele used Michael Abels again to do the music, which is the same man Jordan found on YouTube to do the music for Get Out.

The acting was very good by all the characters. Shout-out to Lupita Nyong’o who plays the mom, Ade. She needs an award nomination for the dual role she played — exceptional job, and that spooky voice she created for her doppelganger made her even scarier. Now, let me point out a few things I noticed about the movie that you may have missed, or you should look for when you see it a second time. You have to see it 2 or 3 times because you’ll discover something new every time you see it.

These notes aren’t true spoilers, but if you want to go into the film with no foreknowledge at all, you might want to stop reading here, and return after you’ve seen it. But I think these notes will help your first-time viewing enjoyment, so this will have to be your call:

1. The rabbits appear again in this movie just like in Get Out. Also, I noticed that the rabbits were mainly just white with only a few brown or black ones mirroring America, or some of the many environments we work and live in. Other rabbit sightings: the daughter’s t-shirt; when the homeless guy was taken into the ambulance, he looked to be wearing a rabbit’s foot around his neck; and the doll the young Ade played with was a white rabbit.

2. Don’t miss that deer on the wall of the fun house; it reminded me of the deer at the beginning of Get Out.

3. The signal to move when the doppelganger family stood in the driveway was the Wakanda arms pose from the movie Black Panther.

4. The counselor and the parents thought the daughter was suffering from PTSD.

5. There was a subtle spider doppelganger in the vacation home.

6. The son, nor the mom, had rhythm when the song I Got 5 On It was playing in the car on the road trip. Hmmm (remember I said this when you watch).

7. Jeremiah 11:11 “I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape” appeared as a reference several times: on the homeless man’s sign in 1986, during the present day when he got put into the ambulance, and then as the son Jason noticed the time was 11:11 at the vacation house, just before the doppelgangers arrived.

8. The name of the fun house in 1986 when young Ade entered was called Vision Quest, but in present-day of the movie when Momma Ade entered it was called Merlin’s Nest Hall.

9. Jason’s mask is red, like the doppelgangers’ clothing. More importantly, why does he have a mask in the first place? (Remember I said this, too.)

10. Jason growled like his doppelganger when he and his sister entered the neighbor’s house. Very questionable, or just a little touch of humor? (Remember this.)

11. Momma Ade and her doppelganger, Red, never seemed tethered like the others, as they didn’t have synchronized movements like some of the other copycat pairs. (And again, remember I said this…)

12. The scene of Momma Ade crying reminds you of the Get Out movie character Chris Washington, crying before he was sunk in the chair by the teaspoon-stirring Virginia.
13.  Jordan Peele has been making a cameo appearance in both his movies that no on would notice.  He does the voice of what sounds like a dying rabbit in Get Out and in Us.
14. While there were no extra scenes before or during the credits, Jordan Peele did list the doppelgänger cast names in a unique way.  He listed the human cast name in regular color, then he put the doppelgänger name right to it in red…which is what color they all wore…and the lead doppelgänger name is Red.

Lastly, I’ll mention those gold fabric scissors. I think they represent the act of cutting the ties or the tether between the two pairs. We often are our own worst enemy (as the movie subtitle states) and sometimes we need to sever that tether in order to escape what oppresses us.

I also agree with another theory that Peele portrays the doppelgangers as a means for him to continue to explore ‘double consciousness’ — W.E.B Du Bois’ influential race theory of how Blacks see themselves two-fold: as themselves, and as themselves through their oppressor’s eyes. Hence, the beginning of the movie with the long camera shot of the white rabbit’s eye staring at us.

Okay, I told you there was much to say without giving away spoilers, only tips to pay attention to as you watch. Hopefully, you enjoy it as much as I did. I’m headed to see it again tonight. Let me know your thoughts below.

Grade: A

About The Peetimes: Oh my! I’m still shaking in my seat. It was difficult to find Peetimes. The plot didn’t let up much or long enough for anyone to leave their seat and not miss a good part, or one of the many symbolic references. I recommend the 3rd Peetime — it’s the longest.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Us. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (R) for violence/terror, and language
Genres: Horror, Thriller

Movie Review – Get Out

Movie Review – Escape Room – Surprisingly Lively, Clever, and Fun

A Quiet Place – RunPee Jilly’s Movie Review (with SPOILERS)

A Quiet Place 2 Announced

Movie Review – Captive State

Movie Review - Captive StateCaptive State had a good idea of dropping the movie goer right into an alien invasion. The aliens have been in control of earth for years and are known as “legislators.” They control the law and humans.

Okay, great idea up to that point. It’s a dandy way to start a movie. I like the idea of seeing how the humans and aliens basically have to work together. That’s where the greatness ends. The mere idea of it. The execution was retched, absolutely discombobulated and confusing.

It’s really an hour and a half give or take of humans passing messages and traveling from one secret location to another secret location. I honestly didn’t even know the characters names until I got home and looked them up on IMDB.

One of my biggest gripes is John Goodman. I’ve loved that guy since the beginning of Roseanne. He is a staple in the strong male actors category. Did he have bills to pay? Why in the world did he take this role? The character was written so poorly that even the great Goodman couldn’t bring life to the role. Sad face.

The only reason I’m not giving this movie an F is because the sets were done really well. They immersed you into a bleak, poverty stricken world that oozed with desperation and hopelessness. Good job there.

Another positive note was that while doing my job I have to sit through the credits to tell you wonderful people if there is anything extra. Happily they were only four minutes long. I thought to myself, “Wow, those credits were really short. Woohoo for that!” Most movies run at least 7 minutes, sometimes longer. I figured out why as I was falling asleep last night trying to forget this movie. The credits are so short that no one wanted to take credit for this farce of a movie. I chuckled to myself as I fell into a peaceful sleep that luckily contained no part of this movie in my dreams.

Treat yourself to a wonderful movie and get out of the house for a while. You deserve it! I just wouldn’t pick this one.

Grade: D+

About The Peetimes: I only submitted 2 Peetimes due to the fact that this was a really hard movie to follow. I chose scenes that were fairly easy to summarize.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Captive State. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (PG-13) for sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief language and drug material
Genres: Sci-Fi, Thriller

Movie Review – Happy Death Day 2U – Still Fun, but more Sci-Fi than Horror

 

Movie Review - Happy Death Day 2UIt’s interesting to watch a sequel film that genre-hoppingly morphs from one thing to another. I’m not a horror fan, but genuinely loved Happy Death Day 1, probably because it had an emphasis on comedy, and the actual scares were light. It was creepy still, with the “uncanny valley” baby mask — shudders — but PG-13 enough for a horror-adverse weenie like me to enjoy.

Also, I’m a huge fan of movies paying homage to the Groundhog Day theme of repeating time loops.

So I was excited about Happy Death Day 2U and basically expected a re-run of the original. I was fine with that. I think we all were. The first movie was an unexpected joy that felt fresh and fun, with a character — starting off as a total jerk just like Phil Connors from Groundhog Day — that we could root for by the end.

What happened with 2U was unexpected. We started the movie following Ryan, Carter’s roommate, in what seemed to be a new loop centered around him. Things take a sharp turn early on, when we realize we’ve gone from a Groundhog Day movie to a loving homage of Back to the Future. It’s insidious and insistent, with Bear McCreary’s score even latching onto several memorable notes from BTTF’s soundtrack. And just so you don’t miss it, the characters reference BTTF, and there’s even a wall poster for BTTF 2 on Carter’s wall.

It was about halfway into the film when I realized this wasn’t horror at all, not even on the low level the first Death Day was. This was straight up adventure and science fiction, with a bunch of nerds straight out of Weird Science taking the stage.

Tree (Jessica Rothe) is still the lead, but the character ensemble has grown, with the flick ultimately the better for it. These are likable characters, and if a third movie comes along (as is teased in the extra scene you must stay in your seats for), I’ll happily jump onboard for more wackiness.

Where the 2U falls flat is in the stakes business: we kind of don’t care what universe Tree lands in. There is mother stuff and boyfriend stuff, and it’s all rather melodramatic in a way the audience can’t really care for. Call it a bit overambitious.

We didn’t come to the sequel film for drama, right? Let’s keep right on the tonal course we fell for the first time: dark comedy, wacky light horror, and a thoughtful mystery that needed solving. The mystery this time was a dull afterthought. Honestly. I found myself distracted, taking notes that said, “What genre is this now? How do I grade this?”

I decided to take 2U on its own merits, and not necessarily that of a rote sequel. It’s an enjoyable galloping adventure story with bits of horror and some decent humor. On this level, I give it a solid B. That’s a few points below the A grade from Happy Death Day 1, but not for lack of effort. Good job, Universal Studios! If you go in for thirds, I’ll be there.

Grade: B

About The Peetimes: Happy Death Day 2U was hard to find Peetimes for, since it has a lean pace, and each scene is either funny, emotional, or boasts a good action sequence. I went with mostly the emotional scenes for the 3 Peetimes, since those were easy to summarize, and weren’t the main point of seeing this horror/comedy sequel. I’d use the 1st Peetime if you can plan for it.

There are extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Happy Death Day 2U. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (PG-13) for violence, language, sexual material and thematic elements
Genres: Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Sequel

Movie Review – Happy Death Day – Very Fun, Almost Cute Horror Film

In Da Club by 50 Cent – Video & Lyrics from the Happy Death Day 2U Trailer

Happy Death Day – Every “Day” We Watch, and Rewatch (Spoilers)

Happy Death Day – All the Clues to the Killer (SPOILERS)

19 Groundhog Day Type Movies – The Ultimate Repeating Day Film List

Quotes Quiz – Movies with Groundhogs Day Themes

Russian Doll is the newest Netflix Addition to the Groundhog Day Loop Theme – and it looks GREAT

 

Movie Review – The Prodigy – No Chemistry, No Creativity

Movie Review - The ProdigyThe Prodigy was really disappointing. I’ve seen better movies at Billy Bob’s Drive-In Theater.

This is another movie that did a wonderful job of making the trailer look too good to pass up. They got me hook, line and sinker. I was really excited waiting for the movie, then it started. Ten minutes into it, I was bored. I found myself wondering if I blew out the candles at home. So fast forward to the end of the movie, and I was really scared. I was really scared my house was burning to the ground due to candle negligence.

I didn’t see any chemistry between Taylor Schilling and Peter Mooney. None at all; if you’re going to be acting as husband and wife, you need to show us a little something. Schilling to me, came across as Piper from Orange Is The New Black. Same character — just better hair and makeup.

The one upside was Jackson Robert Scott. He played the little boy Miles. He did a really good job of being creepy as all get out. If that were my child, to the wolves with him!

The story has been done before; it’s very similar to Shocker. Don’t get me wrong —The Prodigy isn’t in the same league as Wes Craven’s thriller — but it’s in the same universe. I’m gonna wrap this up by recommending you wait for the DVD.

Grade: C-

About The Peetimes: The Prodigy is a very short movie — 87 minutes, if you exclude the credits. I decided to give you only 1 Peetime — the best one. The only other possible Peetime would have made you miss out on the build-up for the finale.

There are extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of The Prodigy. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (R) for violence, disturbing and bloody images, a sexual reference and brief graphic nudity
Genres: Horror, Thriller

Movie Review – Cold Pursuit – Liam Neeson Does Action Right

Movie Review - Cold PursuitIf you like the Coen Brothers, you’ll love Cold Pursuit. This movie runs circles around Liam’s other ‘particular set of skills’ flicks. The well-placed humor that you usually see in the Coen films is refreshing, and sometimes really funny.

Sure, we get plenty of head banging “shooting at point blank range” bloody snow scenes to satisfy our lust for the ‘I’m going to kill you now’ version of  Liam Neeson. However, Snow Plow Neeson is a kinder, more gentle killer who, at times, actually got very tired when beating the life out of someone.

However, Neeson’s interaction with Ryan — the young son of a drug kingpin — sets this movie apart from his other ‘I’m going to kill you now’ work. Watching the two characters interact added another layer to the movie, allowing a rest of sorts between more typical scenes of inept drug lords killing each other.

The cinematography was beautiful, and even though you know it was probably 10 below, you still wanted to be there. Filming this movie for the actors was most likely a nightmare, unless of course the snow was CGI.

(Checking filming locations now…Fortress Mountain, Alberta, Canada. Nope: not CGI. That’s good old fashioned, finger-numbing cold.)

I wholeheartedly recommend Cold Pursuit to all fans of Liam Neeson, and even if you’re not a fan now, you’ll be one after seeing this movie.

Grade: A

About The Peetimes: This movie had a lot of twists and turns and shootouts making it a little difficult to get 3-4 minutes of down time. The 2 Peetimes are fairly far apart so keep that in mind as the first Peetime approaches.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Cold Pursuit. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (R) for strong violence, drug material, and some language including sexual references
Genres: Action, Drama, Thriller

Quiz – Liam Neeson Movies

Movie Review – Miss Bala – Surprisingly Pleasant and Fun

Movie Review - Miss BalaI was pleasantly surprised by Miss Bala. It kept me interested and wondering what was going to happen.

There were also some tense moments that had me on the edge of my seat. I didn’t see that coming. I was really dreading this movie, but had to eat my words when I walked out saying I really liked it.

I don’t think Miss Bala will win any awards, but it was a fun escape from reality for about two hours. I’ve never seen or heard of anyone that was in the cast, but they all did a really good job. There’s some definite eye candy to watch the whole time too.

If you want to have a fun date night movie, I think this flick will fit the bill.

Grade: B+

About The Peetimes: I submitted 2 Peetimes for you to use. Either one will work quite well. They are nicely spaced out and both were very easy to sum up.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Miss Bala. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (PG-13) for sequences of gun violence, sexual and drug content, thematic material, and language
Genres: Action, Drama, Thriller

Movie Review – Serenity

 

Movie Review - SerenitySerenity is one of those movies that you’ll either love, or really hate, or maybe a little bit of both.

Not everyone will get this movie, so I’ll follow that statement up with this: you need to pay attention to the screen. There are visual clues and verbal clues, but they all have a purpose for the plot.

What was the plot of this movie? A drunken fishing boat captain has his life turned upside down by a visit from his ex-wife, while, what he really wants to be doing is going all Moby Dick on a giant tuna.

That’s the plot – or is it?

I did like Serenity very much. Didn’t love it, but definitely didn’t hate it either. Since this was an almost a one-man show – I think McConaughey was in almost every scene — I’ll talk about his role in the movie. In a nutshell, he was awesome! Maybe because he was channeling his inner person — a beach bum.

Some critics have put Serenity in the ‘film noir’ category, and I agree that it had all the earmarks of said category: pessimism, fatalism, and menace. With that said, I’m not sure how to assess Anne Hathaway’s role. She ‘tried’ to come off as a sultry, sensuous femme fatale, but all she did was a parody of Kim Basinger in L.A. Confidential. Was this what Steven Knight was shooting for?

The pacing was well done, and I can find no fault in the directing although — if I had not known who directed this movie — I would have guessed M. Knight Shyamalan, because the flick bore some resemblance to The Sixth Sense. (The don’t believe everything you see or hear kind of resemblance.)

So basically, if you enjoyed The Sixth Sense and didn’t feel totally stupid when you found out the big reveal, I think you might enjoy Serenity.

Grade: B-

About The Peetimes: This isn’t a particularly fast paced movie, leaving me with several good opportunities for Peetimes.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Serenity. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (R) or language throughout, sexual content, and some bloody images
Genres: Drama, Thriller

Quiz – Matthew McConaughey – The Sexiest Man Alive

Movie Review – Escape Room – Surprisingly Lively, Clever, and Fun

 

Movie Review - Escape RoomEscape Room is one of those simple little movies that caught me by surprise. I didn’t see any trailers for it, and it looked like a low-grade horror film from the poster. Not the genre I tend to enjoy; I didn’t have any expectations going in.

Now I want to shout to everyone: SEE THIS FILM!

So. What I got was a tight little story that grabbed me by the nads from the first minute, and never them let go until the credits rolled. You grew to really care about each character. As each room got weirder and stranger, and more dangerous, the characters revealed their pasts and fears. We saw them learn to work as a team, and care when they each succumbed to their desperate situations.

Also, each room was more cool and bizarre than the last. Kudos to the writers and directors, making this story more gripping and exciting by the minute. I didn’t want to tear my eyes away to write down Peetimes, because I wanted to figure out each clue on my own. It was all there, if you paid enough attention. Unlike some films, it didn’t cheat.

Now I want to do a real Escape Room, and pick out my smartest five friends to help me get out. It takes a tribe, you know. Everyone has different skill sets.

Really, I haven’t been this surprised by a movie since A Quiet Place. And if my observations of the rest of the audience applies, everyone else was captivated too. When the little cliffhanger happened at the end, everyone filed out looking shell shocked, grumbling about how they needed to wait for the next film to discern the “real plot”.

I’m here to tell you the “plot” doesn’t matter. Sometimes rich people are bored and miserable…and that isn’t the point. The real narrative is about how this smart ensemble of random men and women learned to work together, suffer together, and sacrifice themselves in the cause of the greater good. Sometimes you can be super smart and just unlucky. Sometimes you can be a good person and still fail. And for some, things come together in a way where you feel vindicated for sticking things out by going “outside the box.”

And that’s really all I can say without spoiling the narrative. Go and enjoy. I think professional Escape Rooms will make a “killing” from this one. I know I’m going to do one soon.

Grade: A+

About The Peetimes: I highly recommend the 1st Peetime, because it’s the least intense “scenario” in the film. Escape Room is super exciting, so all I could get was 2 Peetimes. Either will do, but don’t try leaving at any other point, or you’ll be LOST. Really.

UPDATE: I just added an Alert Peetime to warn off anyone who gets seizures from intense flashing lights.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Escape Room. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

A Quiet Place – RunPee Jilly’s Movie Review (with SPOILERS)

A Quiet Place 2 Announced

Movie Review – Us

Movie Review – The Possession of Hannah Grace

Movie Review - The Possession of Hannah GraceHollywood pulled off another movie that actually had me a little bit afraid. I’ll say I was very tense during some scenes. That sure doesn’t happen very often anymore.

They did an incredible job of setting the tone of this horror flick. The ambiance was perfect; it kept you on the edge of your seat, wondering what was around the next dark corridor.

The special effects were awesome, right down to the noises that were made. I found myself cringing when I knew the super bad noise was going to happen again.

I also wanted to mention that this movie was almost entirely acted by Shay Mitchell. There were other actors, but the main focus of the movie was her and how she was dealing with this supernatural terror. She did a fantastic job — her role came to life onscreen. So if you’re a fan of the show Pretty Little Liars, I’d 100% recommend this movie to you. You’ll love what she does.

All in all, The Possession of Hannah Grace was a hit in my book. I enjoyed myself, just like I think you will.

Grade: B+

About The Peetimes: This was an incredibly short movie. I feel that only 1 Peetime was needed. After 45 minutes, there really isn’t a break in the build up or the finale that you’d want to miss.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of The Possession of Hannah Grace. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Movie Review – Robin Hood

 

Movie Review - Robin HoodFirst off, I’m going to say this movie doesn’t deserve an involved review, but I’ll tackle it anyway. It’s bad. My theater was full last night, but when talking to others after the film ended, they weren’t impressed. It’s a disposable version of the old story, adding nothing to the tale. I’m scratching my head raw trying to ascertain who the target audience is, and why the powers that be bothered with yet another Robin Hood re-boot.

I’m giving this underwhelming flick a D+, since it’s sub-par in almost every way…except for the lush landscapes, the majestic castles seen from afar, and the detailed interior sets of the city of Nottingham. It’s got just enough pretty to engage the eye. Robin himself is also pretty, but why they insist on calling him “Rob” makes no sense. Rob. Really? Anyway, that’s where the + comes from: good sets. 😉

And here’s the thing — it’s a strange, strange film. The men had modern haircuts. The women had space-age futuristic hairstyles (see the “casino” scene, which was lifted right out of Star Wars). Their clothing bothered me too. Since when do medieval clergy or members of the police force wear stylishly cut leather jackets and dusters? Actually, maybe not so stylishly: they reminded me of the sorely lamented Members Only garments from the 80s. Whatever: they took me out of the narrative.

What I liked, besides the sets and scenery:

Friar Tuck was a hoot. He played the role in an unusual way, as a sort of spiritual seeker who is also an archetypal fool. I could watch a movie of his amusing Confessional sequences. He brings the only charm to the film.

The best Robin character moments are the scant scenes where Robin sucks up to the Sheriff — I hadn’t seen that angle before. They should have done more of that, paving the way for a new interpretation of a classic story.

I liked the poverty-stricken city-dwellers nailing up symbolic hoods all over town. That was cool — there was a ground swell of support for The Hood, expressed in the only way the populace could manage without being dragged off to the gallows.

The outlaws only move to Sherlock Forest at the very, very end. Disappointing. They are clearly setting up for a sequel no one wants, especially with the “new sheriff” business. But since I was waiting for the scenes with the Merry Men, I was glad the forest finally made a cameo. Nothing merry made this cut.

And…um. Looking over my notes, that’s all I’ve got for the good.

Some more observations before I wrap this forgettable film: They tried too hard to take themselves seriously as a medieval story, but undercut themselves with bothersome anachronistic details. Even the soundtrack was bizarre. It’s like the producers watched A Night’s Tale and Ladyhawk, and decided they could replicate those successes by slipping old and new into one film.

They failed. A Night’s Tale is one of the most enjoyable medieval tales in the business. I’d say you’re better off watching that one again, and stomping in the tourney stands along to We Will Rock You. And Ladyhawk is mostly straightforward, but features a strangely workable rock soundtrack, and the sublime Matt Broderick reprising his Ferris Bueller shtick in breaking the fourth wall and talking to the camera (or God — same thing).

I don’t want to waste any more time reviewing a sub-par movie, so I’ll wrap this up. This Robin Hood shouldn’t be on anyone’s playlist rotation. There’s barely any humor. The prisoner character (‘John” – acted by the reliable Jamie Foxx) did what he could in a lackadaisical script, but unfortunately came across like an Arabian superhero who could dodge arrows and survive brutal beatings without a scratch. I don’t like seeing people beat into a pulp, but there should be consequences if they are.

Then the climatic scenes where Robin fires five arrows at once that mysteriously all connect to a target…is he an Avenger, like Hawkeye, with heat-seeking rounds? How long does it take to master these skills? I thought Robin Hood was supposed to arrive with this talent, and not pull a sudden “Rocky” turn where a few days of training equals super mighty prowess. I know I’m overthinking this, but there’s nothing else in this film to distract me from the dismal minutia.

Here’s my suggestion. And I HATE to say this: just watch the Kevin Costner Robin Hood version again. That’s not a good movie either (understatement), but the lost and lamented Alan Rickman brings the funny, and is a sort-of engagingly demented rogue. Don’t get me started on this Sheriff. Evil for evil’s sake? I’m done.

What else? I need to see Men In Tights again, because I want to know if it STILL might be better than this. Can a spoof film be superior? I’d say yes, if they respect the source material, like The Princess Bride. For this Robin Hood, I appreciate they might have been going for a Lord of the Rings feel, blended with A Knight’s Tale, but it dropped like a dud grenade.

Lastly, the much ballyhooed line of, “If not now, who? If not not now, when?” came across strangely, like they suddenly decided to use a modern cozy homily as the crux of the narrative. Did Maid Marion coin this line? Why? Oh, gods, I don’t even care.

Grade: D+

About The Peetimes: The best Peetime is a nice long one; I recommend using that one proactively. All you will miss is a training montage. The 2nd and 3rd Peetimes give you a choice of missing some character dialog or an action scene, but neither add much to the plot, so select whichever your bladder needs.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Robin Hood. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)