Posts

Deadpool – movie review

deadpoolGrade: A

Not only is Deadpool a hilarious movie, it also works as and amazingly accurate barometer for gauging relationships. For instance, it can be scientifically proven that the number of times a married man laughs during this movie is inversely proportional to how much their mother-in-law likes them.

Conversely, married women will find that the number of times they laugh during this movie is directly proportional to how much their husbands love them.

And of course if you have impressionable children you can base your parenting skills on whether or not you took them with you to see this movie. In a word: DON’T. However, if you do then please make a video of the questions they ask you when it’s over and post that to YouTube. That could be as funny as the movie itself.

Now, this is a very subjective comment, but I didn’t find the movie to be gratuitously violent or gross. Of course there are the obligatory slow motion head shots, a slight dismemberment, and a few beheadings, but they are all tastefully done. All in all I’d say it’s no more graphic than your average violent movie from the 80’s. I’m not saying the violence doesn’t deserve an R-rating–it does–but violence or not, the language would warrant an R-rating and then some.

I thought the acting was… Who cares? This is Deadpool. It’s funny. That’s all you need to know.

For those Firefly fans out there, it was awesome to see Morena Baccarin get a really nice role. She was wonderful, but I couldn’t help but think somewhere Malcolm Reynolds is watching this saying, “Inara, please. If you’re going to talk like that I’m going to ask Niska to cut both ears off next time.”

Peetimes for THE APOCALYPSE

No one wants to get caught with their pants down in the middle of an apocalypse. Here is a region-by-region breakdown of the disaster you can expect and best times to take care of important biological necessities. For most of you it will be your last Peetime. Make it count!

New Zealand
If you live on the North Island you should RunPee between 6:00 and 6:30 PM, right before Smaug awakens. After that you should find the nearest deep dark hole and crawl in. The problem is that all the deep dark holes will be filled with orcs and balrogs. It’s going to be a long night. Or more likely a short one for most of you Kiwis.

If you’re on the South Island you have a few extra hours to enjoy life until Smaug makes his way to you.

United States – Los Angeles
The Space Shuttle Endeavor, now located at the California Science Center downtown, is scheduled to fly a select few celebrities to the International Space Station at 11:00 AM.  If you are one of the privileged few please be sure to run and pee before 10:00 AM, as peeing is its own “endeavor” in space. ( Reminder to Lindsay Lohan, you are NOT on the list, please stop insisting you are. )

Nearby, at the Staples Center, the Lakers, Clippers and Sparks can safely pee between noon and 3:00 PM, as zombies will be devouring numerous Dodger-dogs along with the actual Dodger players during this time. If you are being chased by Dwight Howard Zombie then you should seek shelter at the nearest free-throw line because even as a zombie DH12 will be too frightened to come near that area.

The zombie outbreak will begin at LAX in the early morning hours and proceed to spread up and down the coast. Those in the San Fernando Valley should be safe from the zombie outbreak because anyone from the coastal areas of LA who is turned into a zombie would consider it extremely poor taste to eat people in the Inland Empire.

The zombie hoard will be in full force by mid day. If you need to pee afterward you should wait until 4:00 – 6:00 PM as most zombies will be caught in traffic on the 405.

[ Special thanks to Shanee Edwards, freelance screenwriter and movie reviewer for SheKnows.com ]

Fox TV Studios, Century City, Los Angeles ( You have to be a *Firefly* fan to get this. )
All the CEOs at Fox TV Studios should barricade themselves in the executive restrooms. It won’t do any good but at least you’ll have a place to pee until the Reavers break through and rape you to death, eat your flesh, and sew your skins into their clothing. And if you’re very, very, lucky, they’ll do it in that order.

United States – Washington DC
At 2:15 PM Eastern Time every lobbyist will spontaneously shed their external human appearance and you will be able to see their true form: large slimy creatures oozing a fetid smelling green puss from every orifice. The good news is that the aliens will be recalled to their home planet immediately after revealing their true form. Every politician should make sure they run and pee before the reveal because once the lobbyist/aliens are gone you won’t be left with a pot to piss in.

United States – Middle America
The Yellowstone super-volcano will erupt at 9:19 AM local time. Everyone in middle America should seek shelter in a sturdy building and wait for the shock-wave to pass. Once that happens you’ll have plenty of time to run and pee before you’re under 20 feet of ash and unable to open the front door.

Australia
You know all those amazingly poisonous snakes and spiders in Australia? Sorry to be the one to tell you this but Friday afternoon around 4:30 PM ( Sydney time ) they will all suddenly mutate and become about 100-times bigger. You should make sure you run and pee before 4:30 because after that the running part won’t be a problem but stopping to pee will be.

Japan
Godzilla will emerge from Tokyo Bay around 3:15 PM local time. You probably already know the drill. Make sure you run and pee before he arrives in your area. Remember to avoid skyscrapers, power plants and especially elevated trains. Apparently a train full of people is like a cream filled Twinkie to Godzilla.

Western Europe
The Large Hadron Collider collapses into a singularity taking all of Western Europe with it at 9:41 AM. There’s no point in bothering to run and pee beforehand. You’re bladder is going to be infinitely small and infinitely dense either way.

Mexico
Rival drug gangs will ravish the cities and countryside. In other words it’s another average day. You should already know the typical schedule of gunfights in your area so make use of that knowledge to find your own best peetimes.

Africa
You’ve suffered enough. You don’t get the apocalypse.

There are no extra scenes at the end of the apocalypse.

Fun Movie Ads

Funny RunPee ads

I have a vague idea for an ad involving Wolverine and trying to pee with his claws extended. I’ll get to that when I have a few extra minutes.

Do you have any suggestions for other ads. Just let me know. Or even create some yourself if you want and tell me about it in the comments below.

RunPee is Tweeting Too Hard

We found a cute Tweet meme called TweetingtooHard and wanted to be a part of it. Basically, it’s a application where people submit boastful, self-serving, backpatting tweets.

Here is Dan’s beaut:

RunPee: “Trying real hard to keep it humble.But 15,900 results for Googling “RunPee Genius” is making it difficult.”

***

We’re at Number Three in the What’s Hot category and gunning for number one. Help us show just how self-aggrandizing we can be by giving us a few more pats on the back:

Yes, take me to TweetingtooHard so I can help stroke your insignificant ego! <———

All we have to say is: BWAHAHAHA.

Follow RunPee on Twitter – Twitter.com/RunPee

Original PeeTimes from Harry Potter Found in Garbage

Orlando, FL – Though they were thought to have been lost forever, the original notes from which the PeeTimes for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince are based on, have been found.

Archaeologists working in the kitchen where Dan Florio – AKA polyGeek – lives, unearthed these fragile documents from beneath a layer of day old coffee grounds. Working with care and precision the papers were extracted in nearly pristine condition.

Bill Gates and many others have already inquired if these documents may one day be available for auction. Sources close to Dan who wish to remain anonymous stated that it is likely that at least a portion of this collection will go to auction to help raise money for one of Dan’s favorite charities – his bank account.

Photos of these relics were taken just before the documents were permanently sealed in glass casings filled with a pure nitrogen atmosphere, so as to inhibit any further deterioration. Dan wanted us to be sure to mention that the photos were taken with an iPhone camera – which also runs the RunPee iPhone application that you can download for just 99 cents from the iTunes app store. He enjoined us, “be sure to remind everyone to tell their friends about it.”

original PeeTimes for Harry Potter You can see here the number “916” in the upper-right corner. This is unique among the collection of PeeTimes. It is generally thought that this is an indication of when the movie began – not the previews and such – but the actual movie. This would make sense, because as we all know each PeeTime is given an approximate time into the movie that it occurs. Therefore, knowing when the actual movie began would be paramount.

We can also see that another time has been written down to the far left and then scratched out. No one is sure why this was done. It is especially confusing since no correction is given. Perhaps Dan just screwed it up.

The rest of the PeeTime follows the general form of a note regarding the cue to RunPee followed by a few notes that will become the plot synopsis of what will happen during this PeeTime.

original PeeTimes for Harry Potter This classic example is flawless. We can see what can only be interpreted as the time in which this PeeTime began and ended. Followed by the cue and then notes about the plot synopsis.

Notice that this scene is part of what happens in the notes in the first PeeTime listed above. It is possible that what seemed like a good time to begin a PeeTime was in fact followed by an even better PeeTime which is detailed here.

original PeeTimes for Harry Potter At the very top is what can only be a potential PeeTime that never made it. You can see that it is listed to begin at 10:01. The PeeTime that is actually detailed here began at 10:02. Clearly this was another false start that lead to a new PeeTime.

What is curious is the reference to “Red”. It is possible that Dan couldn’t remember the hugely important main character’s name of Ron, the Young Master Weasley.

Many who like to think that Dan is without flaw have suggested that “Red” is simply shorthand for “Ron.” However, that is patently absurd. Both names have the same number of letters. It is obvious that this is the best evidence yet that Dan is fallible.

original PeeTimes for Harry Potter Another classic example of a PeeTime. Note however the numerous bullet points in this one. Some might question that a scene with this many details may not make for a good PeeTime.
original PeeTimes for Harry Potter Once again “Ron” is still being referred to as “Red”. It’s amazing to think that Dan still hadn’t picked up on one of the main characters names by this point. However, to cut him some slack, Dan must stay focused on finding PeeTimes.
original PeeTimes for Harry Potter Here we have an oddity. This PeeTime is clearly scratched out yet it does appear in the PeeTimes listings. Looking closely at the details of the submitted PeeTimes we can see that a RunPee user named Martyn entered this PeeTime into RunPee.com.
original PeeTimes for Harry Potter Another PeeTime that didn’t make the cut.