Movie Review – 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

Movie Review - 47 Meters Down: UncagedI watched a lot of shark movies recently to get excited for 47 Meters Down 2. Almost all of them were a good time. Plus, I really liked the original 47 Meters Down. But this sequel is dreadful.

I can’t even begin to tell you just how bad this movie is.

Basically, the undersea premise could have been a grand adventure — an Indiana Jones type film with blind albino cave sharks, patrolling an ancient submerged city, full of secrets and buried treasure.

Instead, 47 Meters Down 2 is  just dumb. Boring. Mindless and stupefying. It’s frequently so dark and murky underwater that it’s hard to see the action. The main redeeming feature: it was short. Why did this movie happen? Who thought this was a good idea? WHY WHY WHY WTF…arg.

Yeah. I think it’s the worst flick I’ve seen in years. (And I watch a lot of movies for RunPee.) 47 Meters Down: Uncaged doesn’t even rate a “so bad it’s good” epithet. It’s not that clever. (Here’s how to do a good ‘bad’ shark movie.)

I’ll make an effort to review this rotten film in more detail later (maybe), but with any luck it won’t matter, since you won’t see it anyway.

More Detail, Barely:

47 meters down 2 uncaged fishbait meme
Fixed it.

In an effort to add more information to this review, I’ll add that there’s zero relationship with the original 47 Meters premise or characters.  47 2 is a meager attempt to launch a shark film franchise out of too little meat. The undersea city concept could have been so cool. What a shame.

The producers should have just named the film Fish Bait and swam far, far away…

Seriously. PASS.

Grade: D-

About The Peetimes: This is a short movie with a lot of action. I have 1 good Peetimes early on, and 1 good for Emergencies later. Since there’s nothing during the credits, you can run out as soon as the credits roll.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of 47 Meters Down: Uncaged. (What we mean by Anything Extra.)

Rated (PG-13) for creature related violence and terror, some bloody images and brief rude gestures
Genres: Adventure, Drama, Horror

Pro-Tip — SEE ANY OF THESE SHARK MOVIES INSTEAD: 

First-View Movie Review – 47 Meters Down (2017)

Deep Blue Sea – First View Movie Review (With YouTube Clips)

The Shallows – First View Movie Review (2016)

Movie Rewatch – Jaws – Still A Fantastic Blockbuster

First View Movie Review – Jaws 2

Movie Review – The Meg

Newie Review – The Reef – Low Budget, Decent, Non Campy Shark Movie

Preview Movie Review – Bad CGI Sharks

Movie Review – Bethany Hamilton: Unstoppable

Movie Review – Den of Thieves

I think Den Of Thieves tried hard to be a good tale. Basically, we see that the good guys and the bad guys are not so different, and act the same ways to get their jobs done. [pullquote position=”right”]We feel sympathetic for both sides occasionally. But mostly, we see that everyone in this movie are jerks.[/pullquote]

The big problem is that none of the characters are developed to the point that we even know their names, or care. There are minor sequences with Nick’s life, but honestly, those just make great Peetimes. I’m not sure why they bothered to show those scenes — they have nothing to do with the plot, and felt squashed in to give Gerard Butler something to do besides…shoot things. As of 2017, he’s our new B Movie action hero, right?

[pullquote]I like a good caper, mystery, or thriller, but this is NONE of those.[/pullquote] I’d say to wait for the DVD if you must see it, but only bother if you want to see guns going BANG BANG BANG for the entire second hour. Really. BANG: by this time, any semblance of storytelling was abandoned. I got a headache from this movie. It’s shocking how so much time was wasted in such a long film, without developing anyone beyond “barely good guy,” and “barely bad guy.”

Even that premise sounds good, doesn’t it? It’s not. I wanted to go home after the the first hour mark passed. I thought about leaving and pretending I saw the end, I kid not. I’ve watched a LOT of movies for RunPee and put up with all kinds of plot disappointments. This was just abysmal.

Movie Grade – D