Endgame spoiler free review – We got what we needed!

Avengers Endgame. This isn’t what I wanted.

But it’s what we needed.

Wow. I could stop there and let the world infer whatever they want.

I won’t stop there. But I could…

This movie is pure fan service, with an exhilarating story and the conclusion to 11 years of the original Avengers. We get the satisfaction we wanted after The Decimation, not once, but twice. We get most of our heroes back. But at the same time we are losing some. Some seemingly permanently. We expected that. This is a war story, after all.

I will sorely miss these heroes.

The film hit me on every note. Endgame has gut-wrenching tragedy, hilarious comedy, intense action, heartfelt notes of love, scenes that enrage, and scenes that fans have prayed for.

This would be the perfect place to end the MCU. Of course, we know that is not what happens. I don’t want the last 11 years to be spoiled by future movies. So I am seriously contemplating whether this is the last MCU film I see. But then there is Spiderman: Far From Home coming up. I do want to see that. Honestly. I’ll probably look back on this article in a year or so and laugh at myself for thinking about not watching future Marvel movies.

This review was hard to write without spoilers. In fact, I wrote a whole plot synopsis before I wrote this spoiler-free review.

Overall, I think this film deserves a perfect A+, 100% score, even with the few flaws I noticed.

These parts that I call flaws: one I think is a glaring plothole/continuity error. The other might be a continuity error, but I’m sure it opens the door for something else. I have those thoughts in my second review, the one with tons of spoilers. So see the movie before you read that one.

So that’s it for me for the spoiler-free review! Can’t say anything specific here.

10/10

100%

Avengers Endgame – long breakdown to describe what you just saw (Massive Spoilers!)

Hi Avengers fans! Spoilers for Avengers: Endgame lie ahead. If you haven’t seen it and plan to, turn back now. You’ve been warned. We’re serious.

Avengers: Endgame is finally upon us. The Decimation is fact. And in the opening scene of this 3 hour whirlwind, we get what is perhaps the most heartbreaking look at the result of Thanos’ snap. Yes, even more gut-wrenching than the breathless exclamation of Peter Parker as he turned to dust.

Clint Barton is enjoying a picnic with his family, and archery practice with his daughter, whom he nicknames Hawkeye. His wife is prepping hot dogs and asks if anyone wants mayonnaise on theirs. The audience is treated to a laugh when one of the family asks what we all were thinking: “Who puts mayo on a hotdog?!” Clint looks to his wife as his daughter collects her arrows. When he looks back, she’s vanished. Remember that Hawkeye was not involved in the fight on Titan or Wakanda. Indeed, the latter has just concluded. He calls out for his daughter, thinking that she just ran off real quick and he missed her. As he looks around, we see the dust. Again he turns to his wife and sons, but they too have scattered in the wind. Clint is alone.

The screen flashes out and the Avengers: Endgame title sequence plays. Next, we are treated to the full scenes that were teased in the trailers. First up is Tony and Nebula on the Benatar, where things do not start out all doom and gloom as they were in the first Endgame trailer. Tony is teaching and competing at Table Football with Nebula. She… doesn’t seem like she likes him so much. Her face flashes frowns and scowls aggressiveness at Tony or the game… it’s not clear which. They take turns flicking the small silver football across a table, and whodathunkit, Nebula wins the match! Tony records his trailer message to Pepper and drifts into sleep. Here we see a kinder, gentler side of Nebula, as she carries Tony from his spot on the floor, to one of the pilot’s chairs to sleep more comfortably. A few moments pass before his face lights up from some glow outside the stalled ship. The man that started the MCU opens his eyes to see the most recent addition to the MCU.

Captain Marvel floats before him, ready to tow the drifters to Earth. Cheers and thunderous applause from the moviegoers are surround me. Ironman and Nebula are saved.

Cut to Earth — Avenger’s HQ. We learn it has been just over 3 weeks since the snap. We get to the scene where the team stands outside looking to the stars. Pepper is present and tearfully greets Tony as he stumbles off the ship. They go inside and Tony has a short argument with Steve about the fight that they both recently lost. Tony collapses.

The rest of the team meet to discuss their next steps. Carol begins to depart alone to find and kill Thanos. The remaining Avengers join her when Nebula and Rocket reveal where Thanos escaped to. The mission is fast and only partly successful. They find the Mad Titan alone on his farm and subdue him with little fuss. They chop off his gauntlet encased hand.

But there is a problem. A HUGE problem. Thanos has used the stones a second time. This time, to destroy the stones. His reasoning? Having them is too much of a temptation. A short panicked argument occurs between the team before Thor does what Thanos taunted before the first snap at the end of Infinity War. A large purple head rolls away from a large purple body and Thor exclaims, “I went for the head,” before walking to look out across Thanos’ world. The genocidal Titan is dead. My fellow moviegoers go wild.

Five

Years

Later

The world has not moved on. Some try. Few succeed. Natasha is taking mission reports from Carol, Rocket, Rhodey, and Nebula. Carol is sporting a fresh haircut. Her hologram deactivates as she goes off on her own missions. This is the last we see of Captain Marvel until the climax of the movie. Rocket and Nebula leave too. Rhodes has a report on Clint. He’s gone rogue and is worrying the team. Natasha asks for updates.

Next, we travel cross country to San Francisco, to a self storage unit where we find the X•CON van that was last seen when Ant-Man was trapped in the Quantum Realm. A mouse scurries around and activates the Quantum Tunnel, bringing Ant-Man back into the post-snap world. To Scott Lang, it’s only been five hours since he shrunk down.

We see memorials to the lost, and abandoned neighborhoods, as he searches for his daughter. He finds her. His little girl Cassie isn’t so little anymore.

And now we come to the point where the pace picks up. Scott has an idea. He knows it’s a slim chance, but
it’s the best he can come up with. He gets together with Steve and Nat to get Tony to build a time machine.

Problem for the plan: Tony and Pepper have built a life: a life that includes a scene-stealing daughter. Iron-Man is his past. Tony says no, but only to their faces. After they leave, he begins work on a project he has no real faith in. But this is the MCU. This is Tony Stark, the billionaire genius playboy philanthropist. He randomly finds a way to navigate the Quantum Realm’s Time Vortexes, while Hulk Banner practices a different tech with Scott. We are treated to teenage Scott Lang, Grandpa Scott Lang, and even Baby Scott Lang before Bruce gets regular Scott Lang back. One of these has peed himself…

Tony arrives to save the day. Clint plays guinea pig and tests the new tech. His test pulls at those heartstrings again as he travels back in time to his farm house where he calls out for his daughter, hears her response, and is zapped back to the present. It works. They have a plan.
Go back to times and places where they can find the Infinity Stones, in order to remove them from the timeline temporarily. It’s Nat that realizes there are 3 stones in New York during the Battle of New York from the first Avengersfilm. (I personally find this to be a bit of a plot hole. The Time Stone is in the possession of Tilda Swinton’s The Ancient One. Not Dr. Strange… The Ancient One should be at Kamar-Taj in Kathmandu… Instead Professor Hulk finds her fighting off the Chitauri alone on the roof of 177A Bleecker Street. But… I get it. They needed to find some way to save time. Having the Time Stone in New York aids the story, if not the continuity.) After arguing with Bruce’s astral body, she hands over the Time Stone.

Captain America is in charge of getting Loki’s scepter, which holds Vision’s Mind Stone. He makes it look easy. The scepter is being transported by Agent Sitwell, Brock Rumlow, AKA Crossbones, and other agents, in an elevator. All of these characters are secretly Hydra infiltrators.

The setup looks like a reenactment of the iconic elevator fight scene in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Steve places himself in the middle of the elevator and says that the director, Fury, has put him in charge of the scepter. Our Steve Rodgers knows that they are Hydra, and when they all start to reach for their weapons, Steve leans over to whisper in Sitwell’s ear. “Hail Hydra.” The audience erupts in screams! Sitwell hands over the weapon and Steve exits the elevator. Then he has a fight with himself. He tells himself that Bucky is alive, which freaks himself out, and allows him to beat himself unconscious and escape with the scepter and Mind Stone. It makes sense when you see it.

Tony and Scott are to obtain the Tesseract. The plan is going perfectly. Scott shrinks down and messes with 2012 Tony’s Arc Reactor, causing him to collapse and drop the case holding the cube. Our Tony grabs the case and begins his exfiltration. He’s almost away when in comes 2012 Hulk, smashing through the door to the stairwell, knocking Tony down and the case away. The case pops open, throwing the Tesseract to the feet of the bound and gagged Loki. Loki snatches it up and vanishes through the power of the Space Stone.

Oops… This creates another continuity problem…

Thor… Oh! By the way. The God of Thunder has really let himself go. What remains of the Asgardian people have settled on Earth in a place they’ve named… New Asgard… Totally original and awesome… Fight me… ? Thor has become the drunken King that only shows his face a couple times a month to obtain a fresh supply of alcohol. He’s no longer the muscular god we know and love. He’s gone totally dad-bod with an overflowing beer gut.

Thor’s mission, along with Rocket, is to retrieve the Reality Stone from his ex-girlfriend Jane Foster, during the events of Thor: The Dark World. When the god and Rabbit first show up on Asgard, they sneak past Loki in his prison cell.

…Which is the cell he is imprisoned in after he is captured at the end of the Battle of New York, which we just saw him escape from… Continuity? Time travel is weird…

Thor has a tearful reunion with his imminently doomed mother as Rocket completed the mission, and gets chased by Asgard security. Three stones down, three to go. Thor steals his trusty old hammer Mjolnir from this timeline before they escape.

Nebula and Rhodey are dropped off on Morag before the start of Guardians of the Galaxy to follow Peter Quill to the Power Stone. Their mission is an easy success, but opens the door to the big bad of the film. Thanos. Along side him? Gamora and Nebula.There are 2 Nebulas in the galaxy and they are both connected to the same network. (Remember, Nebula is basically a cyborg due to Thanos’ “upgrades.”) The Nebula that still wants to please Thanos gets memory recordings from our Nebula. Thanos’ team figures out that the Avengers are gathering the stones. Just as Rhodey and our Nebula are heading home, Thanos captures our Nebula and sends his loyal Nebula back to Earth in her place.

The Master Assassins Hawkeye and Black Widow, Clint and Natasha: they’ve arrived on Vormir, unaware of the cost to obtain the Soul Stone. They are met by Red Skull, though they don’t recognize the WWII villain. He spills the beans on what must happen, and our heroes dance around in a painful argument over who will live and who will die. They’re heroes. They both are ready to make the sacrifice. Clint has enough of the debate and heads toward the cliff. Natasha stops him with one of her taser darts. She starts for the cliff. Clint fires off an explosive arrow to knock her back and down, so that he can make a run and a jump for it. Into the air and down the face of the mountain he goes. But suddenly he stops. Nat has roped him in place, hanging off the cliff. She jumps. He catches her. Then she kicks off the wall and out of his grasp. Clint Barton has the Soul Stone.

Natasha Romanoff is dead.

I missed the next few minutes while utilizing the second Peetime. But we still have 1 stone to obtain. So let me back up a bit.

Loki escaped with the Tesseract. Tony realizes that he knows where and when the cube could be, farther in the past. Steve and Tony send Scott back to HQ while they endeavor to rectify their failure.

1970: cut to New Jersey at a joint Army SHIELD training and research-base. Our favorite leaders infiltrate the hidden bunker. Steve goes to find a younger Hank Pym in order to steal some of the Pym Particles that make their time travel possible. Tony goes to get the cube. Steve gets temporarily distracted when he hides in the office of none other than Peggy Carter. He sees her through a window in another room and stares in longing and amazement.

Tony meets his father. Howard doesn’t know that the bumbling stranger in front of him is his own son. Indeed, Tony Stark hasn’t been born yet. They talk as fellow scientists, and Tony learns a bit of who his father really was. A good man, much like Tony is himself. When they part ways, Howard tells Tony that, even though his child isn’t born yet, there is nothing he wouldn’t do for him.

Steve and Tony return to the present day. All six stones are collected. But there is an imposter among the ranks.

Tony creates an Iron-Man style Infinity Gauntlet and Professor Hulk is the one to try to undo the snap. The stones activate and start to injure Banner, but he fights the pain back and concentrates on one thought: “Bring them back.” He snaps his fingers.Imposter Nebula brings Thanos’ ship through the time machine. Thanos unleashes a volley of missiles to destroy the Avengers HQ.

Steve, Tony, and Thor begin the biggest battle in MCU history. Thanos fights the 3 by himself and very nearly wins. Iron-Man gets knocked out pretty early on. Captain America is stunned for a bit. Thor puts up a good fight. The two grapple and Thor ends up on his back, Stormbreaker shoved into his chest. It all seems lost when Mjolnir begins to move. Thor has a secret move on Thanos, right? The mighty hammer knocks the Titan away and then flies into the outstretched hand of Steve Rogers. The cheers around me shook the theater walls. Our Captain America is worthy after all.

Steve lays an epic beat down on the purple dude. He wields the hammer like his shield and even summons lightning to help beat the bad guy. It all goes well, until it doesn’t. Thanos gets the upper hand and turns the tables on Steve. He very nearly kills him. The round vibranium shield that we all love is shattered. Cap stands across a field from Thanos, ready to continue the fight. But Thanos has had enough. He calls his army. Not only the beasts from Infinity War. But the Chitauri as well. It’s a massiveforce. The likes of which may even dwarf the forces depicted in the Lord of the Rings films. The Outlook is bleak at best. 1 man, superhuman as he may be, doesn’t stand a chance.

“Cap? Cap, can you hear me?……. On your left.”

It’s the voice of Falcon. One of the victims of the decimation from Infinity War. A voice that Steve hasn’t heard in 5 years. Over Steve’s left shoulder, a portal opens. Then another and another. Several portals open and expand to reveal a friendly army of our recently returned Avengers, and Wakandans, and Asgardians. A force to match Thanos.

The War of the Returned has begun.

You can probably imagine how things go from here. The battle rages with small cuts to individual interactions. Spiderman swings in and Tony embraces the kid in a hug. Black Panther leads his troops onto the field, chanting their battle cries. The Guardians of the Galaxy assemble, sans Gamora. Quill does run into the other Gamora, who has since released our Nebula, who killed the other Nebula. Peter is stunned. He reaches out to touch her face in disbelief, and promptly gets a knee to the groin from a Gamora that has never met Starlord. Pepper Potts joins the fight in the highly anticipated Rescue armor. Valkerie flies in on a Valkerie Steed.

The mission at this point, beyond winning the war, is to return the Infinity Stones back to the moments in time that they were stolen from. Thanos’ ship destroyed the large time machine that our heroes have been using up till now. But Scott Lang has a spare in his ugly brown van.
In the middle of the battlefield. Behind enemy lines. Various Avengers make a run for the van with the Iron Infinity Gauntlet. Each passes the prize to another as he or she is pinned down by the enemy. It’s around this time that Captain Marvel bursts onto the scene, taking the gauntlet from a flailing Peter Parker. This pauses the action to assemble an all-female team of ass kicking heroes for what is basically a group photo… it’s cool… but kind of out of place on a battlefield.

Carol takes the gauntlet and nearly reaches the van. But Thanos destroys it just before she gets there. So Thanos and Captain Marvel have a row. Despite Carol being the strongest hero there, the fight is pretty evenly matched. This is after Thanos being worn down by Steve, Thor, and Tony, and with Carol barely coming into the fight from her travels in space. Scarlett Witch has a go at him.

Thanos eventually gets hold of the gauntlet. Then the fight comes back to Tony. Iron-Man tries to wrestle the gauntlet away, but fails. He tries again and fails again. But when Thanos lifts his hand to snap away the universe, this time it’s just a snap. Tony managed to pull the stones from the gauntlet and his armor molded itself around them to make another gauntlet. Thanks looks at Stark and repeats a line that the beheaded Thanos said in one of Nebula’s memories. “I am inevitable…”

“I… I am Iron-Man, “Tony says just before snapping his fingers and bringing the war to an end.

Tony Stark did not decimate half the universe with the snap of his fingers. Not the whole universe, not even a single percent. He only dusted those that were his current enemy. Those that fought against the Avengers in the here and now. The last enemy to be tuned to dust? The Mad Titan Thanos. He sat down in defeat before being blown away with the wind, joining his massive army and their vehicles.

Tony Stark also sat down at this point. Half his body has been burned. He’s delirious and his speech is incoherent. Peter Parker tries to talk to him. Then Pepper arrives to tell him that everything will be okay now. That it’s over. That she loves him.

Tony Stark is dead.

In the aftermath, our heroes attend Tony’s funeral at the lakeside cabin where Steve, Nat, and Scott found him earlier, playing with little Morgan. Tony knew what might happen before the time travel missions. Like everyone knows what might happen being a hero. He had left a message for his family. Not limited to Pepper and Morgan. It’s in this hologram message that he says goodbye to his daughter. “I love you three thousand.”

Clint Barton has a talk and a hug with Wanda. Their connection goes back to Age of Ultron where Wanda’s brother Pietro sacrificed himself for Clint, and their mutual partnership with Natasha. Clint is eventually dropped at his home where he is reunited with his family.

Thor speaks with Valkerie back in New Asgard. Valkerie is trying to get him to stick around and be the king that he is. But Thor intends to take the counsel of his mother and be the man that he is, not the man he is supposed to be. Before he departs, he calls Valkerie Your Majesty, making her the Queen of New Asgard. He then boards the Benatar to join the Guardians and joke around with Quill about who’s in charge. It’s totally Thor…

Finally we come back to the last mission: returning the stones to their places in time. Captain America and Steve Rodgers are undertaking this mission alone. Hulk Banner, Bucky, and Sam are there to see him off. Though they assume he will be back in just a few short seconds. And in a way, he is. Though not exactly where and how they expected. Some short distance from the time machine, sitting on a bench overlooking a lake, sits a well-aged Steve Rogers. Beside him is a round leather case. Sam goes to talk to his very old friend. Sam approaches Steve as Falcon. Then Steve passes him the round shield, with a star and stripes.

Sam Wilson is now Captain America.

The mantle being passed, they embrace. A wedding ring is shown on Steve’s hand. After he completed his mission and returned the stones, he did the only thing he ever wanted to do. The thing he was worried about missing when he awoke in that SHIELD facility in the heart of New York City. He returned to the end of the second world war and danced with Peggy Carter. The woman who would become his wife.

This is the 1 in 14,000,605.

This is the Endgame.

Avengers Endgame and a certain missing weapon [SPOILERS]

Heads up: this is about a specific plot point in Avengers: Endgame. Do NOT read this if you haven’t seen the movie yet. You’ve been warned.

At the end of the movie, Cap goes back in time to return the stones to their original timeline. He takes with him his shield and Thor’s hammer: Mjölnir.

Cap doesn’t return from the trip as planned,  and the crew notice an old man sitting on the bench. At this point Old-man Cap gives his shield to Mac. Very nice and touching scene. But, where’s Mjölnir?

One explanation I like is that during Cap’s time travels to return the stones he returns the Power Stone last, to 1970, and that’s where he stayed, with Peggy. At this point, there would have to be two Captain Americas in the same timeline that the MCU has traveled for the past 10 years. The Old-Man Cap decided to live with Peggy, in seclusion. (He couldn’t exactly go out and advertise who he was, could he?)

Update: in the comments Chris Estrada points out that Cap almost certainly goes back to the 1940s to be with Peggy. I highly suggest reading his entire comment. It sheds a lot more light on this topic.

If this is what happened, then Cap would have taken on a role of a average, nondescript citizen, and he would have to have an agreement with Peggy not to influence the timeline.

So here’s Cap, putting down his hero persona and living as a regular citizen. He has his shield and hammer, probably stored away in the hall closet. But at some point, Cap is no longer “worthy” of the hammer; he’s mowing the lawn instead of fighting the good fight against evil.

And so Mjölnir sits, unmovable, in the hall closet. I picture a scene of one day Cap goes to pick up the hammer and it doesn’t budge; he suddenly realizes he’s no longer a hero.

Unfortunately, none of that works for the continuity of the timeline. Because Cap would have to have left Mjölnir back in Asgard to replace the one that Fat-Thor brought back with him. Basically, they borrowed Mjölnir from the past to fight Thanos.

The big problem with Cap going back to live a life with Peggy — Peggy was already married and had a child with another man. We know that from an interview with Peggy shown in Captain America: Winter Soldier, recorded in 1953. We can say that maybe Peggy and this man were no longer together by 1970 when Cap went back — that’s believable. However, again in Winter Soldier there’s a scene with Cap and old Peggy, and she definitely doesn’t remember a relationship with him after he went down in the plane in the arctic.

The only way this works is if Cap told Peggy what would happen in the future, that he would be thawed out of the ice, and at some point she would have to convince young Cap that they never had a life together.

That’s some serious fan-wanking, but pretty much every single story that involves time travel requires those sort of blinders. Don’t pull too hard, or the whole story unravels.

I’m not complaining. I think Endgame did a fantastic job of injecting time travel into the plot in a playful and thoughtful way. But it’s not flawless. Clearly, this wasn’t the plan all along, because if it were they could have added a few tiny easter eggs in the previous movies that only hatch during the time travel scenes.

What do you think? Are there any other temporal paradoxes that the story glosses over?

Avengers Easter Egg – Where We Saw That Random Kid in Endgame Before in the MCU

Ty Simpkins as Harley Keener from iron man 3

Who is that teenager from Avengers Endgame standing there at the end with our heroes — but a little apart —  looking vaguely familiar? With no explanation given? It’s like Broom Boy from The Last Jedi, all over again. Who is that kid?

Want to try to guess where you’ve seen him before in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Shave off a few years. Make him around ten. Do you remember which movie he had a MAJOR role in?

It’s okay if you can’t remember, because his movie came out in the early days of the MCU, and his character was promptly forgotten. The MCU has a literal cast of thousands by now, especially if you include everyone in the Wakandan army from Avengers Infinity War. If you’re not a real die-hard MCU fan, it can be hard to keep all those faces and names straight.

So, who’s the kid in Endgame?

It’s 17-year-old actor Ty Simpkins, reprising his role of Harley Keener: the kid from Iron Man 3 who gave Tony Stark a little sanctuary — and a lot of geeky help — when Stark needed it.  The two made a good connection, and the kid character was enjoyable to watch, instead of precociously irritating. (Although I think Robert Downey Jr could have chemistry with a mailbox if the role called for it.)

Harley is a forgotten hero in the MCU, but that doesn’t mean he won’t come back for Phase 4. He made one half of a great team with Stark, and has a bright scientific mind of his own. And don’t forget, Stark left him some goodies to play with that he might have put to good use by now.

Stark seems to slip effortlessly into mentor roles. Just look at his relationship with Spider-Man. It might be because of the way Stark begins his journey as an overgrown kid, and naturally doesn’t want to see bright young people make the mistakes he did. Stark has come a long way after 11 years in the hero profession. Remember the days when he amused himself onstage by peeing in his Iron Man suit?

Will Harley make another appearance after Avengers Endgame?

Harley’s old enough to help our heroes in a meaningful way now, should they choose to take him on for the new generation of Avengers.  Get that boy a shield! Or maybe his own Mark V Iron Man special.

There’s no reason not to see this kid again after Endgame, since we know Phase 4 of the MCU begins next. Also, now that Earth knows a gazillion intergalactic beings exist, you can’t have too many heroes to help keep them safe.

Iron Man 3 – movie review

Avenger Superhero Powers, by Category

The entire MCU Movie Order – Several Options for your pre-Avengers Endgame Watch or Rewatch

Avoiding Endgame Spoilers – Your #AES Mission

THE ENDGAME IS NIGH
THE ENDGAME IS NIGH!

Many of you have your tickets for the Thursday (April 25th) evening premier of Avengers Endgame at 6:00 pm Eastern Time, or at least only a few hours later.  You can’t wait to see the movie opening night, plus you don’t want to worry about getting spoiled by those who see the movie before you.

Good job! You have successfully completed your #AES  (Avengers Endgame Spoilers) mission. But…you’re still not out of the woods.

BREAKING NEWS:
The Earth is round!

That means we have time zones, which means some countries will get to see Endgame before it opens in the USA. This is bad news for those of us living in America.

So, you’re still in danger of contracting #AES

To make matters worse, Endgame opens a few days earlier (on Tuesday, April 24th) in quite a few countries: Austria, Australia, Belgium, China, Colombia, Cyprus, Germany, Denmark, Finland, France, Greece, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Italy, South Korea, Lebanon, Malaysia, Netherlands, Norway, New Zealand, Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Sweden, Singapore, Taiwan, and the United Arab Emirates.

I did a little quick math — and around a BILLION people live in countries where Avengers: Endgame opens on the 24th.

But it gets worse. Endgame opens in a bunch of other countries on Wednesday 25th.

With the exception of Russia, the USA will be the last country to premier Avengers Endgame to the public

If you live in the USA and want to avoid the barrage of spoilers bound to flood social media about Endgame, then I suggest taking a sabbatical from all social media and news coverage starting around Tuesday at noon, New Zealand North Island Time (8:00 PM Monday night on the USA east coast — or 5:00 pm US Pacific Time).

We will still have early Peetimes ready for Endgame on the RunPee app before the USA’s opening night. The film is over three hours long, and you’re going to want to pee at some point, no matter what MCU producer Kevin Feige says. Good luck, and don’t forget to have the RunPee app downloaded and ready before this crazy long Marvel Cinematic extravaganza begins playing at your film’s showing.

#SeeYouOnTheOtherSide

#ThanosStillDemandsYourSilence

#WhateverItTakes

Peetimes Coming for Avengers Endgame BEFORE OPENING NIGHT

Movie Spoiler Etiquette – For Avengers Endgame and Beyond

A Open Response to Kevin Feige (re: Using the Bathroom During Endgame)

Your 20 big benefits to using the RunPee app

 

Warning – Avengers Endgame is not going to be Peetime friendly

Avengers: Endagem-Hold The Spoilers
Did we say no spoilers?

You might be surprised to learn that finding Peetimes in a movie isn’t the hardest part of the RunPee job. Ofttimes we find great Peetimes but get stuck on picking out the best Peetime Cue: a brief line of dialog — or description of some action — that stands out to signify the beginning of a Peetime.

A good Cue might be: When Jack says, “Can I have the extra-spicy onions on my burger?”

It’s short, distinctive, and non-spoilery.

An example of a bad Cue would be: When Jack chokes to death on spicy onions. 

I don’t think I have to explain why we could never, ever, use a Cue like that.

HULK NO LIKE SPOILERS

There’s a lot of middle ground we struggle with, and try to find ways to describe the important, almighty Cue, without giving something away.

How we avoid spoilers in our Peetime Cues

Like in Avengers: Infinity War, one of the Cues is: Thanos says to *someone*, “I like you,” then vanishes. That *someone* was Star Lord, but if we used his name, you would have seen the Cue and thought to yourself, “Well great; I guess I know that Star Lord and Thanos meet at some point. Thanks for spoiling that.”

Later in the movie there was a great Cue: Black Panther says, “And get this man a shield.”

That line was delivered time and time again in the movie trailer, so you knew it was coming. It’s a great character payoff, with a multi-film buildup.

Now, that brings us to Avengers: Endgame. Right off the bat we know none of the Cues can start with: Spiderman says…

Spiderman got Snapped. Everyone presumes he’s going to be un-Snapped, somehow. But we don’t know for sure, and we don’t know when. So we can take his name, and everyone else who got Snapped, off the Cue list.

For that matter, we don’t know if Thor, Iron Man, Banner/Hulk, Captain, et al., will survive. Using their names in a Peetime Cue — at least after the midpoint of the movie– is problematic. We hear time and again from fans, begging them not to spoil anything. As big fans ourselves, we get it.

Whose Name can be used in a Peetime Cue?

At least we can assume Captain Marvel has a big part to play in the upcoming MCU movies, so I think her name is fair game. Beyond that, expect a lot of Cues that read something like: *Someone* says, “Hurry — throw me the sonic screwdriver.” And *Someone else* replies, “I got it, but the battery’s dead.” 🙂

If that wasn’t a big enough challenge, I admit it — finding good Peetimes in last year’s Avengers: Infinity War was no picnic. It was undoubtedly the hardest MCU movie to do Peetimes for so far, mostly because there were so many simultaneous story-lines to juggle.

Music montages are a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow for Peetimes, but I think we can safely assume there will be no music montages in Endgame, unless Star Lord hatches a plan to distract Thanos via dance-off at some point…Oh wait, Star Lord got snapped. Well, there goes that.

We will have Movie Pee Breaks before the opening night of Endgame

Rest assured, we’re going to make our best effort to find good times for you to make a pee break. Shanee Edwards, our Hollywood film critic, will provide us with Peetimes days prior to the public opening. She doesn’t do Peetimes for many movies, and she’ll be working alone, but she knows her stuff and will give everyone going to see the movie opening night something to work with.

Then we have four People, myself (Dan), Jill, RunPee Mom, and Vera, all seeing the movie opening night so we can collaborate on choosing the very best Peetimes. Friday morning we’re going back see the movie again so we can come home and polish the Peetimes until they shine like an Infinity Stone. Plus we’ll get Peetime feedback from Dana and Shani over the weekend.

I tell everyone who does Peetimes for RunPee: we’re only as good as our last Peetimes. That’s never been more true than when the fate of the universe is at stake.

#WhatEverItTakes

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A Open Response to Kevin Feige (re: Using the Bathroom During Endgame)

Avengers Infinity War – Whose Fault is the Snap?

Avengers Infinity War – Whose Fault is the Snap?

So…let’s think a bit. Whose fault is the Avengers Infinity War Snap? Why am I, and half the universe, dead? Gone to ashes.

The Avengers most to blame, who come to mind right away are:

  • Star Lord — Mainly just a normal human with specialized combat melee skills. Peter Quill is just a petty thief trying to be a better person. He’s only slightly better at being ‘good’ than Rocket or Drax, after all.
  • Thor — God of Thunder — Should know better than to gloat after 1500 years of Godhood. You’re still not worthy yet, are you?
  • Dr. Strange  — The jury is out til Endgame resolves. Next.
  • Captain America — WTF dude! YOU! J’accuse!
  • Hulk — The Big Green Guy who let us all all down. Just because you have issues with Banner doesn’t excuse toddler tantrums, big guy.

Breaking this down a bit more. Each of these heroes, and a few others, have some big burdens to bear.

  1. Star Lord —  Everyone blames him for the events on Titan. Peter Quill isn’t the sharpest crayon in the Crayola box, but I don’t blame him. It looked like he totally screwed the pooch in Infinity War, didn’t it? He really lost it for our guys on Titan..but, remember, Dr. Strange had to make it look good for his ONE future they would win. That means whatever “Mr. Lord” did was part of the plan.  Also, Peter Quill never set out to be a hero — he just wants his girlfriend back. His investment strategy — Gamora: everything. Universe: whatever.
  2. Hey, THOR — He just HAD to gloat. Not only should he have gone for the head, he should have gone for the arm. But Thor, mighty and all, isn’t the smartest Avenger. Maybe being cute is a liability. A god should do better. Head, arm…you haven’t learned a thing in 1500 years, have you?
  3. Dr. Strange — I don’t blame him at all. He spent what — hundreds of years looking at alternate realities? I’m sure he knew what he was doing when he gave Thanos the time stone. He’s not stupid and we know he made it clear to Stark what his priorities were. There were no mistakes made here. Place your bets with Strange.
  4. Cap — I blame him, really, mostly. We don’t trade lives??? Really? Much as I  love Vision, this should have been a non-starter. Get that Stone out of Vision  now, K? Even Wanda knew this had to happen. Shuri could have fixed this much earlier, and the ending would have been different. We DO trade lives, Cap. Have you not been watching all these movies? Sacrifice is part of the game. You don’t get to win everything just because you want it enough.
  5. Hulk. He couldn’t be bothered to help Earth, or the universe, for that matter. Poor Banner. Poor us. He has a lot to make up for. I know: Hulk is the mental equivalent of a toddler, but that’s no excuse. #HulkSmash… #Smash??? Where did he go? Why leave Banner in a Hulkbuster suit? We better find out why.
  6. Gamora — Thanos never would have found the soul stone without Gamora just giving it to him. I know he was torturing Nebula…but look at the result. I know it’s not nice to talk ill of the departed, but if there’s blame to go around, she should shoulder one infinity stone’s worth.
  7. While we’re talking about about the stones, what about Loki? He gave Thanos the Tesseract for the same reason Gamora gave him the soul stone — to prevent more sibling torture. Also, remember Asgard getting munched during Ragnarok? Loki probably should have left the Tesseract in the vault.

So, who is to blame, besides (obviously) Thanos?

I know a lot of people blame Star Lord and Thor, but really, Cap made the worst call with the fate of the universe at stake. Vision could just go hide in the the internet like JARVIS did before. And Hulk is still basically an infant. Peter Quill is only a dude in love for the first time. Dr. Strange has a plan, and that is where I will place my bets.

Hollywood Celebrities Mourn Stan Lee on Twitter

RIP Stan Lee – you will be missed

Hollywood Celebrities Mourn Stan Lee on Twitter

Movie Spoiler Etiquette – For Avengers Endgame and Beyond

As #FirstWorldProblems go, this one is a biggie: don’t spoil an entertainment experience for others.

If you don’t watch a movie/TV show on opening night you’re taking a huge risk of being spoiled, due to the ubiquity of social media. There are two sides of this to consider: what responsibility lies with the person getting spoiled, and what responsibility lies with the person who does the spoiling?

The heartless person would say:

It’s all on you: if you don’t want to be spoiled, then watch it opening night, or crawl under a rock until you do.

But consider something like Avengers: Endgame. There simply aren’t enough theater seats for every fan to see the opening show, or possibly even on opening weekend at all. So at what point is it ethical for someone to tweet about the fate of our beloved characters?

Quick Aside on Analytics

Movie Opening
weekend %
Jurassic World 38%
Captain Marvel 36%
Infinity War 33%
Deadpool 2 31%
Ant-Man/Wasp 30%
Solo 25%
MI-Fallout 25%
Aquaman 23%
Black Panther 19%
Incredibles 16%

Here is a breakdown of the most popular movies in the RunPee database over the past year and what percentage of RunPee fans — we don’t have users — saw the movie on the opening weekend of its release. (I would project that #AvengersEndgame is going to break 40%.)

Each person has to decide for themselves when it’s appropriate to share spoilers. I would urge restraint. It’s easy enough to express excitement at the outcome without revealing critical spoilers, at least for a few days.

But you really want to share your excitement!

On the other hand, it’s exciting to share this experience as soon as possible, with as many people as possible.  No one is going to see the public premier of  #AvengersEndgame by accident.  Everyone who got tickets had to go out of their way to know when tickets went on sale and planned everything so they could be there. Why should they then sacrifice their excitement for those who clearly don’t want it as much? Now those who aren’t there opening night are spoiling the fun of those who are.

I’ll be there opening night — it’s my job — and I feel the same urge to express my excitement for the outcome. However, I want to respect those who can’t see it opening night.

With that in mind I offer this pledge:

Let’s be fair, the gloves come off once the work week starts after opening weekend. You want to be able to go to work and discuss the outcome with your co-workers, friends, whoever, without worrying about someone in earshot getting upset about being spoiled.

(Although please don’t start a conversation with: can you believe *character name* died? First, ask if they’ve seen Endgame.)

It would be disrespectful of someone to expect you and your friends to contain your excitement for their sake. At this point they should be wearing noise canceling headphones if they care enough about being spoiled, but couldn’t see Endgame on opening weekend.

I would love to hear what you think. Share your thoughts in the comments down below or on Twitter.

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A Open Response to Kevin Feige (re: Using the Bathroom During Endgame)

Kevin Feige and Avengers Endgame at comic con
We love your work, Kevin Feige, but RunPee WILL find Peetimes for Endgame.

Dear Mr. Feige,

We here at RunPee love Marvel movies more than Nick Fury loves cats. And flerkens. We are super excited for Avengers: Endgame. So much so that we did two breakdowns of the first trailer:

  1. Avengers 4 Endgame – First Trailer Review
  2. A Slightly More Than Casual Fan’s Reaction to Avenger 4 Trailer

We also haven’t been able to stop ourselves from speculating on what Phase 4 of the MCU might hold. And we especially love Spider-Man: Homecoming.

There is always time to pee.

However, we must take issue with your statement that there won’t be time to pee during Endgame. While we expect that Endgame will be action-packed, emotional, and perhaps our favorite movie of the year, there is ALWAYS time to pee. Since we established the RunPee app in 2009, we have offered Peetimes for over 1500 movies — and all of the MCU movies. We offered Peetimes for roughly 169 movies last year alone, including three Peetimes for Avengers: Infinity War. No offense.

You might want to recall Captain America: Winter Soldier had one of the best Peetimes ever in RunPee  history. Not that it was an unnecessary scene, but it was very easy to summarize what happened. You do challenge us to find a scene we can sum up, but we’re up to it. Every time.

No intermission?

You’ve chosen not to give Endgame an intermission, and thus not put it in the same league with masterpieces such as Lawrence of Arabia and 2001: A Space Odyssey. And why would you? It’s only a movie about THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

However, just because you’re not giving people an opportunity to pee doesn’t mean we can’t. We never failed to find a Peetime before and we will not fail now. We will do #WhateverItTakes.

We will not fail.

We realize Endgame is not Suspiria, for which we found an epic twelve minute Peetime. However, we have found Peetimes for such thrilling movies as A Quiet Place, Mad Max: Fury Road, and Mission Impossible: Fallout  — and we WILL find at least one good Peetime for Endgame.

(Don’t worry – we summarize what people will be missing during their few minutes away.)

We will guarantee at least three pee breaks, although two of them may be “emergency-only” Peetimes. But we promise you won’t have to make anyone squirm in their seats during your assuredly excellent movie. We’re superheroes at RunPee too. 🙂

One last thing.

By the way. I am severely disappointed you have not released any footage of Howard the Duck and Spider-Ham helping to save the day, but I trust you are saving that as a surprise for the theatrical release.

We here at RunPee wish you the best and we look forward to watching–and peeing during–Avengers: Endgame.

Sincerely,

Golden Man

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